20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches
by blackandblood
Summary: Are you sick and tired of the same old crap in horror movies? Well, I've decided to make fun of stupid things that people do in horror movies using the frontier gang. Get ready for stupidity, randomness, and a few takumi moments strewn in.
1. Chapter 1

**why hello! here is my newest story, 20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches. I got so sick and tired of watching the same old crap constantly being shown in horror movies that i decided to do a parody of stupid things to do. each chapter will have 2 parts, 2 stupid cliches each. and i will be in the story, directing it. we have highly paid actors to help act out the scenes**

**takuya: highly paid actors?! you're making us pay you!**

**me: not you guys, you idiot. the horror movie icons we have all learned to love. people like freddy krueger and jason voorhees for instance. i will give a brief description of the killers before the scene starts, just so you know who they are.**

**takuya: you hired killers?! are you nuts?!**

**me: yes....but they wont kill you for real, just for the scene. so you'll be around later anyway.**

**takuya: oh, okay**

**me: i now present my newest story! enjoy!**

**20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches**

**Chapter 1**

**_cliche number 1- Doll heads_**

_Doll heads strewn around a killer's home:_ Okay, we get it; this is one screwed-up dude. But how about we try something new, like butterfly wings or iPod Shuffles?

Me: Acting this scene out will be Takuya and the creepy doll, Chucky, from Child's Play. To let you guys know, Chucky was a serial killer who was on the verge of death. Before he died in a toy store, he transferred his soul into a doll. From that point on, he began to track down a new body to transfer his soul into. He uses a different variety of weapons, from a baseball bat, to a knife, to a rake. He is the only killer with a wife (also a doll), though they always try to kill each other. But hey, you would too if you had to have sex with a doll. Okay, now start the scene, dammit!

Takuya: Damn, woman! You don't have to shout!

Me: *into a megaphone* It's the only way to make you listen! Now go!

Takuya: *mumbles and enters a house*

Me: Good, now go up the stairs and into the room furthest away from you on the left.

Takuya: Uh....okay.... *goes up the stairs and towards the room* Who's that talking?

Me: Go into the room and find out.

Takuya: I don't want to! *tries to run, but I knock him down*

Me: Oh, no you don't! Get your ass into the room and see who's inside!

Takuya: I hate my life... *goes into the room* You already told us who's inside, psycho....

Me: Yes, now you can go see for yourself.

Takuya: *looks around to see doll heads all around the room* O_O; Okay, so why are there doll heads?

Me: I dunno. Ask the dude right there. Now if you don't mind. I'm leaving, so have fun! ^_^ *runs away*

Takuya: *sees Chucky sitting in a chair with a magazine, talking to one of the doll heads*

Chucky: *to doll* And I was like 'Don't get up in mah grill!' And she was all like 'Oh no you di'int!' And I was like 'Oh yes I did!'

Takuya: O_O; Get me outta here!

Chucky: *looks up, embarrassed* Uh...I can explain! These are my friends, and they talk to me! You just don't know because you're not a doll! So don't judge me, bitch!

Takuya: Uh...okay....What are you reading?

Chucky: Nothing! *hides his copy of Doll Heads Digest* The newspaper! The comics in fact! Uh, yeah I'm too cool to read something stupid like Doll Heads Digest!

Takuya: Like the one right behind you?

Chucky: .....Awkward......I mean, no! You're imagining it! *burns the magazine*

Takuya: Yeah, sure....But what's with the dolls anyway? Weirdo....

Chucky: I said that they're my friends! I'm having a housewarming, so there! *sticks tongue out* And you're just jealous that you don't have as many friends as I do!

Takuya: *rolls eyes* Yeah, I wish I had two hundred inanimate objects as friends.....Wait....what's inanimate mean?

Me: *calls out randomly* Not alive, you idiot!

Takuya: Oh, right. But anyway, get some real friends, Chucky. You're like a weird emo kid, just like my friend Kouji.

Chucky: Nuh-uh! I am waaaay cooler than your stupid emo friend. In fact, I think you made him up! You don't have any friends! Haha! Who's the loser now?!

Takuya: I do too have friends. I even have a girlfriend!

Chucky: Aww, too bad. I have a wife. Beat that bitch! *to his doll wife* Tiffany! Get your ass in here and bring me a sandwich already!

Tiffany: *a bleached-blond doll wearing a wedding dress and a leather jacket walks in* Stop yelling at me, you little shit! And don't tell me what to do! By the way, here's your sandwich.

Chucky: Oh, peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off! My favorite!

Tiffany: *looks at Takuya* Who's your friend? He's kinda cute ^_^

Takuya: O_O;

Chucky: Oh, I dunno the moron's name.... *munches on his sandwich* But as soon as I'm done with this sandwich, I'm going to transfer my soul into his body. That way I won't be a godforsaken doll anymore!

Takuya: O_O; Aw, crap!

Tiffany: Hey, what about me?! I don't wanna be a damn doll anymore either!

Chucky: Calm down, ya crazy bitch! He has a girlfriend, so you can have her body!

Takuya: O_O; Screw this! *jumps out of the closest window and lands in a bush*

Chucky: Dammit..... *finishes his sandwich* Oh, well. Bring me another sandwich, woman! And make sure you make two hundred more for our guests.

Tiffany: Screw you! *runs off to make the sandwiches*

Chucky: *looks at his dolls* You know I love you guys more than my wife. Just don't tell her that.

_The End_

**And so concludes cliche number 1. So onto the next one!**

**_cliche number 2- Vanising bodies_**

_When the hero brings the authorities to the scene of the crime, the dead body is gone: _And always so thorough! What, do killers carry around cleaning supplies? Tip: Always take a photo of the body with your camera phone before getting the cops.

Me: Takuya plays the main character, J.P. will be the cop, and there will be a special appearance by Michael Myers from those famous Halloween movies. As a child, Michael was deeply disturbed and killed his entire family, except for his younger sister. After breaking out of a mental institution fifteen years later, he began tracking her down and killing anyone who stood in his way. He doesn't speak so he's either a quiet emo like Kouji or just too stupid to understand how. He has super-strength, and is armed with a big-ass butcher's knife 99% of the time. Michael is also known as the guy wearing white mask that looks like William Shatner. Now onto the scene! Take it away, Takuya!

Takuya: *sarcastically* Gee, thanks. Once again, I'm the one stuck meeting the psycho....

Me: Look at it this way. You're the star ^_^

Takuay: Hey, you're right! Look out Hollywood! A new star has shown his gorgeous face and that face is none other than Takuya Kan-

Me: *hits him on the head with a shovel* Let's not get carried away! Now go into the room and discover the body, dammit!

Takuya: OW! Crazy bitch....*walks into the next room, feeling a rock hit his head* Ow! What the fuck?!

Me: That's for calling me a bitch! The crazy I can deal with! *runs off*

Takuya: Damn....*rubs his head and sees a dead man lying on the floor in a pool of blood* Oh, shit! That's sick! I've gotta find a pig, uh, I mean cop! *runs outside*

J.P.: *is conveniently parked outside eating a donut and watching his favorite soap opera on his mini television* No, Clara! He's not the man you love! It's his evil twin, Jafar!

Takuya: Help! *bangs on the window*

J.P.: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! *throws his donut out the window in surprise* Dammit! My donut!

Takuya: Forget the stupid donut! There's a dead dude inside!

J.P.: Come again?

Takuya: There. Is. A. Dead. Dude. Inside!

J.P.: Oh....I'm not following what you're trying to say.

Takuya: Oh, come on! *yanks him out of the police cruiser*

J.P.: No, my soap!

Takuya: Screw your soap! Let's go! *drags him inside*

J.P.: *looks around as Takuya drags him upstairs by his ankle* Nice place you got here.

Takuya: It's not my house! Come on! *pulls him into the room* See the body?!

J.P.: *stands up and looks around* Uh, no.

Takuya: *surprised* What?! Wait, where's the body?! It was here a second ago! I know it was!

J.P.: Kid, I think you're hallucinating.

Takuya: I'm not! And look, there's the puddle of blood to prove it!

Michael Myers: *comes out and begins to mop the puddle up*

J.P.: I don't know what you're talking about. All I see is that nice man mopping the floor.

Takuya: He's mopping up the evidence! He's the killer!

Michael: *looks up for a moment, then resumes mopping*

J.P.: Nah, I don't think so.

Takuya: He's covered in blood, and there's a bloody knife sticking out of his pocket! What's not to believe?!

J.P.: I dunno. I just don't. He seems like a nice guy.

Takuya: *eye twitches* You're kidding, right? It's Michael Myers, for christ's sake! Can't you tell by his white mask?!

J.P.: Oh, William Shatner! I love Star Trek!

Takuya: You stupid bastard! Focus! He is the killer and moved the body! See, it's sticking out of the freezer over there!

J.P.: *looks over to see an arm hanging out of a freezer* Stop being nosy, kid! He can store as much frozen meat as he likes. Maybe he's having family over.

Takuya: Aw, forget it! *runs out*

J.P.: What's his problem?

Michael: *shrugs and finishes mopping the floor*

J.P.: *notices a t.v.* Oh, I can watch my soap opera! *turns it on* No, Clara! Don't kiss him! Aw, you just kissed Jafar! Now the wedding is off and you have to listen to Jafar's annoying parrot for the next twenty minutes!

_The End_

**well, i hope this didnt come out too bad. stay tuned for the next chapter and two more stupid cliches. let me know what you think and if you no likey, well sorry... -_- but i tried. anyway, see ya later!**


	2. Chapter 2

**hello, im back again with chapter 2 of stupid horror movie moments. this time, we will be covering cliche numbers 3 and 4, so get ready for more stupidity! enjoy**

**20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches**

**Chapter 2**

**_cliche number 3- Medicine/cabinet/refrigerator "Boo":_**

_One minute the killer isn't there, then he is: _This is such an overused cliche that _Saturday Night Live_ did a parody of it.

Me: Well, today our lucky little friend acting this out will be none other than J.P. By the way, where is the bastard? *wanders around looking for him and sees him in another room with Takuya*

J.P.: *to Takuya* Can we come up and have a look?

Takuya: *in a terrible french accent* Of course not. You're English types.

Me: O_O; What the fuck.....?

J.P.: *to Takuya* What are you then?

Takuya: *still talking with bad accent* I'm French! Why do you think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king?!

Me: Okay, what the _hell_ are you guys up to?

J.P.: We're acting the scene out. You said I was starring in this one, right?

Me: What? What kinda script are you reading? *takes his script and skims it* You idiot! This is a script for Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

Takuya: J.P. was playing King Arthur, and I was the French soldier. ^_^

Me: -_-; Yes, I noticed. Now go away, you're not J.P.'s costar in this.

J.P.: Who is?

Me: Hannibal Lector from The Silence of the Lambs. I know you don't like horror films, so I'll explain it to you. Hannibal is a cannibalistic killer and is probably the most intelligent man you will ever hope to meet. He enjoys his humans with a side of cavier ^_^. On top of that, he is a psychiatrist, so not only can he hurt you physically, but he can fuck with your mind at the same time. Also, he will probably beat you in scrabble, so don't try to weasel your way out of death by waging your life on that game.

J.P.: What?! A cannibal?! Hell no!!

Me: Don't worry, he already promised that he won't kill you. He might just take a small bite.

J.P.: O_O; Noooooooo! Mommy! *tries to run away*

Me: *grabs the back of his shirt* Oh, come on. Takuya dealt with Chucky and Michael Myers, so don't be a baby. See, Hannibal's right over there.

Hannibal: *smiles and waves*

Me: See? He's not that scary.

Hannibal: *looks at J.P. while my back is turned and licks his lips*

J.P.: O_O;

Me: Now, go to the fridge and look inside it.

J.P.: I hate my life.....*opens the fridge* I really hate my- oh, chicken wings! And pizza! And spagetti and meatballs! *takes out the chicken wings and begins to shut the fridge door* Wonder if there's any hot sauce....

Hannibal: *suddenly right behind him* Hello, Clarice!

J.P.: Aaaaaahhhhhh! *throws wings into the air* Dude, you gave me a damn heart attack! And why the hell did you just call me Clarice?

Me: *randomly jumps out* Something from his movie! *runs off*

Hannibal: How is your heart beating? Nice and steady with the sweet blood flowing through? Mmmmmm, warm blood.....

J.P.: Ooookaaaay.....I'm gonna go now that you've scared me. Bye!

Hannibal: *grabs his shirt* Not so fast. You must have dinner with me. ^_^

J.P.: Dinner?! Well, on that note, count me in! *ties on a lobster bib he got from Red Lobster* What's for dinner?

Hannibal: *goes to a huge cauldron and turns on the heat to boil the water* It's a surprise.....

J.P.: Pizza? Spagetti? And by the way, those meatballs are awesome looking!

Hannibal: Yes, and they come in a combination of blue, green, brown, and hazel.

J.P.: Colorful ^_^

Hannibal: Here, all your nervousness must've made you tired. Come and relax in my 'hot tub'.

J.P.: Don't mind if I do. *strips down to his boxers and sits in the cauldron*

Hannibal: And here are some soothing bath beads *dumps in some sliced carrots*

Takuya: Uhhhh....Should we do something?

Me: Nah, this is entertaining. *sits in a chair with a bowl of popcorn*

Takuya: *shrugs and sits beside me* I miss Zoe.....

Me: She'll be showing up later, now shut up.

J.P.: Aaaah, this is the life ^_^

Hannibal: *adds more chopped vegetables*

J.P.: Mmmmm, something smells good.

Takuya: J.P. that smell is-

Me: *elbows him in the stomach* Shut up! He'll figure it out. It's just like an old Looney Tunes cartoon, where someone is always trying to cook Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck. He'll get it in a few minutes.

Takuya: Duck season! Rabbit season! No, duck season!*twitches*

Me: *backs away slightly*

Takuya: *speaking with terrible french accent again* Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

Me: *hits him over the head with an oar* Enough with the Monty Python already! You're butchering a classic with your stupid accent!

J.P.: *slowly realizes that he is being cooked* Hey....wait a minute.....It's me! Aaaahhh!

Hannibal: *puts the lid of the cauldron on so J.P. can't get out*

J.P.: Let me outta here!

Me: Hey, we had a deal! You can't eat him......not yet at least. I'm going to need him later on.

Hannibal: *sigh* Fine, I'll just order some chinese. *goes to a phone*

Me: *removes the lid* Alright, get your fat ass out.

Takuya: Haha, she called you fat.

J.P.: Shut up! *grabs his clothes and runs off, then doubles back to grab the pizza and runs away again*

Hannibal: *into phone* Hello, King Garden? I'd like a small order of chicken fingers.....And make sure you send your plumpest delivery boy.

_The End_

**_cliche number 4- Dreams_**

_Dreams are put forth as reality -- then the person awakes with a start:_ The _SNL_ parody also touched upon this one. I'm on guard against this so much that I have to wait until the credits roll before I believe that the entire movie wasn't just a dream.

Me: Once again, our favorite moron, Takuya, will be starring in this one.

Kouji: Oh, come on. He's been in all of them so far. What about us?

Me: No, actually you guys will be in this one, too. He just happens to be playing the guy who had the weird dream. This time around though, there will not be any horror movie killers. They all decided to go take a three hour long lunch break and I didn't feel like waiting. So let's cut to Takuya, passed out in bed.

Takuya: *passed out in bed, wearing only his boxers and his leg hanging off the bed, loudly snoring* No.....Lawn gnomes! They're taking over, I tell ya! No, not the strait-jacket again! The lawn gnomes are plotting to take over the world alongside the Bell People from the planet DingDong! Why don't you believe me?! *twitches in his sleep and continues to talk* They stole my underwear, then sold it on the street for five dollars! That's my underwear, dammit! So I should be getting the five dollars! Lawn gnomes!

Me: *honks a horn in his ear*

Takuya: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! *jumps and lands on the chandelier hanging from the ceiling* What's going on?!

Kouji: You were sleeping, you idiot!

Takuya: Sleeping? No, it was real! The lawn gnomes are plotting against us as we speak!

Zoe: Takuya, please come down from there. Let's go get your medication.....

Takuya: Don't worry! I can fly! *jumps off, then crashes to the floor* No! My flying abilities! They're gone!

Kouichi: Dude, it was a dream. Get it? A dream.

Takuya: You lie! The Bell People must've taken over your minds to turn you all against me!

Me: Wow, Takuya. You just took craziness to a whole new level....I'm so proud of you! ^_^

Takuya: Ding dong! Ding dong! I am trying to communicate with the Bell People! Don't join forces with the gnomes! They lie, cheat, and steal!

J.P.: So does, Kouji. And he's not a Bell Person.

Takuya: As far as you know!

Kouji: No, Takuya. I'm pretty sure that I'm not a damn Bell Person. -_-;

Kouichi: No, you're just a lonely emo kid.

Kouji: Exactly!

Zoe: Takuya, honey. Just calm down already? I think you had some bad take-out the night before, and it made you have a crazy dream.

Takuya: *looks at her, thinking she's a Bell Person* What have you done with my Zoe?!

Zoe: O_O; Uh......

Takuya: Don't worry, Zoe! I'll save you from the mind-controlling Bell People! *tackles her onto the bed*

Zoe: Aaaahhh! What the hell are you doing? Ow, my hair!

Takuya: I'm looking for the tiny chip they implanted into your head to control you! I don't see one, though.....

Zoe: Cuz I'm not under mind control, you idiot! *pushes him off*

Takuya: *crashes to the floor* Ow....my head.....

Me: See, Takuya? Zoe is not a Bell Person, nor is she being controlled by one.

Takuya: *looks at me* You're the craziest one of all, so you must be the vessel for the gnomes and Bell People!

Me: -_-;

Takuya: Where's the chip in your head?! *holds up pliers*

Me: Come near me with that thing, and you'll get kicked in the nuts.

Takuya: You can't fool me!

Tommy: This isn't going to end well, now is it?

Kouji: Not for Takuya.

J.P.: Hey, at least it's entertaining us ^_^

Kouichi: Ding dong! Haha, I'm a Bell Person!

Takuya: *looks at Kouichi* So, it's you! I'll have that chip removed in a jiffy!

Kouichi: I was only kidding. *backs away nervously*

Takuya: Lawn gnomes! *lunges at him with the pliers*

Kouichi: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! *runs away, with Takuya close behind*

Zoe: Should we help him?

Kouji: No, the idiot brought it upon himself.

Me: Yup, now he has to deal with a looney Takuya.

Tommy: Isn't he always looney, though?

Me: No, the word you're looking for is stupid. As in, Takuya is always stupid.

Kouichi: Get away from me, you psycho! *runs past us*

Takuya: The Bell People will never win! Not as long as Super Takuya is around to save the day! *attempts to fly, but falls flat on his face*

Kouji: Idiot.....

**and there you have it, another finished chapter. yes, takuya really is stupid, isnt he? not sure when the next chapter comes out, but hopefully itll be out in a few days or so. let me know how you like it so far, as comedy isnt really my strong suit in my opinion. see ya laterz ^_^**


	3. Chapter 3

**we're back for another exciting chapter of stupid horror cliches. i was planning on updating falling from grace first, but with a family member dying and my friend being re-admitted to the psych ward, i needed something to raise my spirits. if they're not really funny, im sorry, i did the best i could think of at the time.**

**takuya: do you need a hug?**

**me: *raises eyebrow* from you?**

**takuya: well, theres no one else around**

**me: *spots an electric fence* i'll take the fence! *runs over to it and gets electrocuted***

**takuya: you'd rather pick an electric fence over me? **

**me: yup, it gives me a rush! oh yeah! feel the buuuuuuuurn!!!!!!**

**takuya: -_-;**

**disclaimer: i do not own digimon, or the movies/movie killers that i am using for this parody. if i did, id be pretty damn rich.....**

**20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches**

**Chapter 3**

**_cliche number 5- Excessive Bravery_**

_Someone goes into a creepy environment to check out a sound or movement:_ If you hear something that sounds like an undead corpse dragging an axe across the floor, common sense dictates that you head in the _opposite_ direction.

Me: Alright, since Takuya is the most prone to doing this, he will be the moron looking for the sound. Zoe and Tommy will be trying to stop him from going. Wondering where the others are? Well, Kouji's getting ready, for he is in the next cliche. And I locked Kouichi and J.P. in a broom closet cuz they tried to steal $20 from me. Next time, don't get caught, you idiots! Start the scene, Gogglehead!

Takuya: *hears random strange noise* Wow, I wonder what that could be! Hey, wait a minute! You didn't tell us what psycho would be around.

Me: Yeah, I decided not to spoil it this time. You guys can figure it out on your own. I'll give an explanation who it is once you find who it is.

Takuya: -_-; Great....Well, I'm off to find out!

Zoe: No, Takuya! It's too dangerous.

Takuya: There's two paths. Let's take a look at them.

[Shows two paths, one on the left, one on the right. The one on the left has a nicely groomed forest with flowers, a hot tub, a pizza joint, and a neon sign that says 'Live'. The one on the right has a bunch of dead trees, a path of blood, a corpse hanging by its neck from one of the trees, and a sign that reads 'Die'. The one on the right also had the strange noise coming from it.]

Takuya: Well, the one on the right looks much safer. Follow me! *skips down the path*

Zoe: Takuya! Did you not read the big sign that said 'Die'? *runs after him* Takuya!

Tommy: And to think that I was going to live to see my next birthday..... *sighs and follows them, scribbling a make-shift will on a napkin*

Zoe: Are you crazy?! There's a damn corpse in the tree!

Takuya: Oh, it's just a prop. The blood and organs hanging out of it are completely fake.

Zoe: Stop! *grabs him around the waist* I don't wanna die!

Tommy: *to himself* And my video games will go to my cousin, and my t.v. will go to my friend, and my bed will go to my dog....

Zoe: *helplessly hangs onto Takuya as he continues to walk down the path* Please, stop! We're gonna die, you stupid bastard! Aren't you afraid for your life?!

Takuya: I'm not scared of anything! Not even the troll that keeps stealing my socks!

Tommy: *to himself* And my clothes will go to the Salvation Army...except for my awesome white suit... I wanna be buried in that. I want my iPod to be buried with me, too....

Takuya: *notices a bloody axe* Wow, some idiot tried to open a bottle of ketchup with an axe.

Zoe: That's blood! *grabs a hold of his shirt*

Takuya: Is not! It's ketchup. It just looks like blood. *continues walking, causing his shirt to rip off completely*

Random girl's voice: Please help me! He's killing me!

Zoe and Tommy: O_O; Oh, shit!

Takuya: Pipe down, random girl! No one wants to hear about your problems!

Random girl's voice: I'm dying!

Takuya: You need to hook up with my friend, Kouji. You can be emo together.

Zoe: She's not being emo, you half-wit! She's being killed!

Takuya: Oh, she's just being a drama queen.

Zoe: Takuya, stop being stupid! *grabs onto the waistband of his pants and tries to stop him*

Takuya: *continues walking so his pants rip off* Is it just me, or did it get breezy all of a sudden?

Zoe: O_O; I hate my life....And I hate Takuya.....

Tommy: Then why are you making out with him in this picture? *holds up a picture of Takuya and Zoe on a couch, making out*

Zoe: Where'd you get that?!

Tommy: Uh....internet?

Zoe: *looks around, then takes a five out of Takuya's pants pocket, which she is still holding* Give me the pic, and never speak of it again.

Tommy: *shugs* Okay. *takes the money and smiles to himself* Good thing I still have the negatives....

Zoe: What was that?

Tommy: Nothing.

Takuya: *had been too off in his own world to even know about the picture* I think we're getting closer to that sound!

Random girl's voice: It's too late for me! But you still have time to get out! Hurry!

Takuya: Don't tell me what to do! Damn, controlling bitch....

Zoe: If we make it out alive, remind me to kill you.....

Takuya: Ha, I can't even remember what I had for breakfast.....

Everyone: *hears strange noise again, followed by a raspy voice*

Raspy voice: It's your turn now!

Zoe: *clings onto Takuya* Can we please get outta here? I'm really freaked out right now.

Takuya: Don't worry, Zoe. I won't let anything happen to you. Besides, I brought this. *pulls out a tube that says 'Monster Repellent'.*

Tommy: What the heck is that?

Takuya: I ordered it one night while I was watching infomercials. It keeps ghosts, monsters, zombies, vampires, werewolves, aliens, and telemarketers away. And it only cost me three easy payments of $79.99. ^_^

Zoe: You bring the term 'idiot' to a whole new level.

Takuya: Nuh-uh! Now I'm safe from all harm! *sprays himself with it, then fails to notice that the fake label falls off, revealing 'Bug Repellent'*

Raspy voice: Come on, I said it's your turn!

Takuya: This way! *runs down the path* I'm coming down the path, you maniac! Hahahahahahahaha!

Zoe and Tommy: No, you idiot! *run after him*

Takuya: *sees Freddy Krueger sitting around a campfire surrounded by a bunch of doll heads* ......What the fuck?

Freddy: *to one of the doll heads* Come on, it's your turn! I picked the last campfire song! Now it's your turn!

Everyone: O_O;

Me: *out of nowhere* Hello! Found our guest I see. ^_^

Freddy: *to everyone* I borrowed these from Chucky, because I needed company. But they suck! They don't talk to me, just like the last girl I went out with! *to dolls* Come on, you assholes! What, are you too good for me?!

Tommy: So who is this guy?

Me: He's the dude from A Nightmare on Elm Street. He was a fan of molesting and murdering children. Angry parents weren't too happy with him killing their children, so they decided to burn him to death. He is all burnt and gross-looking, and wears a fedore (a type of hat) and a christmas striped sweater. He usually only shows up in dreams, but I decided to let him out for his camp-out.

Everyone: O_O; You let a child murderer loose?!

Me: Yeah, so? What's it to ya?

Everyone: *looks at each other and runs off*

Me: Don't know what their problem is. *takes Freddy's metal clawed glove and sticks marshmallows on it, then proceeds to roast them over the fire*

_The End_

_**cliche number 6- Helpless victims**_

_Victims throw up their hands and scream as the killer approaches: _Apparently, if you're not the star, you just let the bad guy kill you without so much as a safety whistle or pepper spray. This might've worked with swooning starlets in the '40's, but nowadays, you have to expect that someone will at least pull out some Tae Bo moves.

Me: Okay, Kouji. You will be acting out this cliche, so you can quit whining.

Kouji: Sure, give me the one where the person just stands there and waits to die. *rolls eyes* Just great....

Me: I brought along someone who might make you feel more at home with your emo-ness.

Kouji: Who?

Me: Pinhead, from Hellraiser. ^_^ The most emo-looking movie killer of all. He's the leather-clad dead dude with the pins sticking out of his head. He comes with a nifty puzzle box, then kills the person who opened it. He usually has a few side-kicks tagging along with him, but he's the worst one to deal with. Chains are his specialty, whether he wants to restrain you or simply tear your limbs and skin off, he is not one to be messed with.

Kouji: I can't believe you're just gonna let him kill me....

Me: You won't actually die, emo-boy. It'll just look like you died.

Kouji: Okay...So, do I just stand here and wait?

Me: *buys a hot dog from a street vendor* Yup. And I'll be close by if anything goes wrong.

Kouji: What do you mean 'if'?

Me: *ignores the question and runs off in pursuit of ketchup* I'll use the ketchup they found in the woods!

Kouji: *waits a few minutes, then notices Pinhead coming down the street*

Pinhead: I'm coming for you......

Kouji: *throws his hands into the air and screams like a girl* Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Pinhead: *stops into a convenience store*

Kouji: What the fuck......? *waits five minutes* Where is he?

Pinhead: *walks out of store with a pepsi* The man who sold this to me shall burn in Hell for not having Coca-Cola!

Kouji: ......Oh, shit. I gotta start screaming again. Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Pinhead: *stops into two stores down*

Kouji: *eyebrow twitches* What the fuck is he doing now?! *waits another fifteen minutes*

Pinhead: *comes out of store with a blackberry phone* Out of service range?! What kind of evil will not give me service?!

Kouji: Okay, let's try this again. Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Pinhead: *walks up to Kouji, but then turns around and goes into the bakery for a cookie* Can't condemn you to hell on an empty stomach.

Kouji: Oh, for cryin' out loud! *notices a hobo holding a sign that says 'The End Is Near!', then steals it and writes 'Help!' on the other side using a sharpie*

Me: What are you doing?

Kouji: Waiting. *holds sign up with one hand, then uses his free hand to read a book while sitting down on a random chair that popped outta nowhere*

Pinhead: *comes out of bakery twenty minutes later with a bag of cookies* That asshole, Freddy Krueger, is always holding up the damn line...

Kouji: *looks up* You ready yet?

Pinhead: *doesn't reply, but attacks him with chains and hooks*

Kouji: *pinned between two buildings, the hooks embedded into his skin* Owwwwwwww! Let me go, ya damn emo bastard!

Pinhead: *eyebrow twitches* Emo?! You're one to talk, you little weirdo! Now I shall rip you apart! *kills Kouji*

Me: *spits out hot dog* Oh, shit! That wasn't supposed to happen! You were supposed to just make it _look_ like you killed him.

Pinhead: Oh....oops.....Gotta go! *runs off with his cookies, soda, and iPod*

Me: *kicks Kouji's corpse* That ain't good.

Kouichi: *out of nowhere* My brother is dead?!

Me: How did you get outta the closet?

Kouichi: J.P. ate the door and we got out. But Kouji's dead, and it's all your fault!

Me: Don't worry. I'll hop into my time machine and go back in time before he was killed. Okay?

Kouichi: Uh...okay....

Me: *looks at energy meter on time machine* Oh, I gotta let it charge for an hour before I go. Or I'll be stuck in the past forever!

Kouichi: But what about my brother?!

Me: He ain't going anywhere.... *sits in Kouji's seat and reads his book*

Kouichi: I hate you....

Me: I know. ^_^

_The End_

**okay, kouji's dead. but dont worry, he'll be back! muahahahaha! stay tuned for the next chapter and next two cliches. and i should have the next chapter of falling from grace out tomorrow. sorry about the wait, guys. i hoped you liked this chapter so let me know what you think. laterz**


	4. Chapter 4

**20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches**

**Chapter 4**

**_cliche number 7- The stumbling female victim_**

_The fleeing victim--usually a woman--falls as she tries to run from the killer:_ This is why killers don't wear shoelaces. Ever heard of Velcro?

Takuya: Where's the crazy girl that usually introduces the scene?

Zoe: She and Kouichi went back in time in her time machine to get Kouji.

Takuya: Oh, wonder when they'll get back....Let's go! While we still have time! *grabs her and runs off*

[A time machine pops up, and three people come out wearing medieval clothing]

J.P.: Hey, you guys are back, and I see that you brought Kouji with you. But what's up with the weird clothing?

Kouji: *gives me an evil look* After they went back in time, this psycho decides that it would be fun to go to the medieval days so she could kill a damn dragon!

Me: What? I wanted to slay a dragon, so I did. And I got this sweet black and purple and dress while we were there. ^_^ Don't you just love the silver trimming on it?

Kouichi: *rolls eyes* Yeah, sure. Now tell us who's doing this damn scene already.

Me: Okay, okay. Zoe will be acting this one out, since women are klutzes in horror movies more than men. Men may be stupider, but women fall every ten seconds. Speaking of which, where is she?

Tommy: *points to room* In there with Takuya.

Me: *walks over and yanks door open to reveal Takuya lying on top of Zoe and making out with her* Zoe! Get ready for the scene!

Takuya: Aaaaahhh! Don't you knock?! *he and Zoe both try to cover themselves up*

Me: No, never! *notices that they're both wearing only their underwear* And don't get dressed. That's perfect! More than fifty percent of the time when a woman is being chased, she is in her bra and underwear, so that'll work out great.

Zoe: I don't wanna run around like this!

Me: Fine, you can put shoes on. Now be ready in two minutes.

Zoe: Great......

[Two minutes later Zoe and Takuya show up, both still in their underwear]

Me: Alrighty, Zoe, you will be chased by Leatherface.

Tommy: Who's that? You'll have to fill me in, cuz my parents don't let me watch scary movies. I have to sneak into my brother's room and hide in a corner while he watches them.

Me: Ooookaay....He's the big hulking chainsaw-welding psycho from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and comes from a family of cannibals. His trademark weapon is obviously a chainsaw, but he will also use various tools such as hooks to hang his victims up like meat. He isn't really a big talker, but I doubt that he is capable of participating in an intelligent conversation anyway.

Leatherface: *flips me off*

Me: Love you too, Leatherface ^_^ Make sure your family knows that I'm coming for dinner tonight. *turns attention to Zoe* Okay, now when you run from him, trip and fall over everything in sight.

Takuya: Can I be in it?

Me: You're not really needed, but you can attempt to run after her for comic relief.

J.P.: What about me?

Me: Fine, you can run after them, too! Damn, just shut up and start the scene!

Zoe: Oh, my god! Don't kill me! *runs away*

Leatherface: *starts chainsaw and runs after her*

Zoe: Oh, snap! *trips over a root and twists her ankle*

Takuya: Don't worry! I'll save you! *runs after them*

J.P.: No, I will! *stumbles after them, almost tripping*

Me: You don't have to pretend to fall, tubby. Just Zoe.

J.P.: I know....I'm just clumsy....

Zoe: *is limping away from the killer, but her leg gives out, so she falls again* Aaaahhhh! Get away from me, you psycho! *feebly gets up*

Leatherface: *is making chainsaw sounds, and running like Kermit the Frog* Vroooooom! Vroooooooooooom! *swings his chainsaw*

Zoe: *gets up again, only to trip and tumble down a hill, her bra getting shredded in the process*

Takuya: Zoe! *is still running after them, with J.P. close behind*

J.P.: Running hurts! *takes out a Twinkie for energy*

Leatherface: *is about to run after Zoe, but accidentally cuts a tree branch, which falls on his head, momentarily knocking him out*

Takuya: I'm coming! *sees Zoe lying on the bottom of the hill with her bra shredded and gets a nosebleed, then proceeds to trip over a rock and tumble down the hill, too* Oh, shit!

Zoe: *sees Takuya rolling towards her and tries to get up* Oh, crap!

Takuya: *lands on top of her, his lips nearly touching hers* O_O; Uhhhh........

J.P.: Don't worry, Zoe! Help is on the waaaaaaaay! *trips over air and rolls down the hill like a giant boulder*

Takuya and Zoe: O_O; We're screwed.....

J.P.: *lands on them, yet miraculously does not kill them* This calls for another Twinkie!

Takuya: Get offa us, ya elephant!

Zoe: Both of you get offa me! You're crushing me!

J.P.: Hang on! Just let me get this damn wrapper off.....

Leatherface: *had woken up and ran over to them*

Takuya, Zoe, and J.P.: O_O;

Leatherface: *takes the Twinkie and runs away*

J.P.: *grabs the discarded chainsaw and chases after Leatherface* That's mine, you sonofabitch!

Takuya: *looks down and is about to kiss Zoe, when the rock he tripped over falls on his head, rendering him unconscious*

Zoe: Someone get him off me!

_The End_

**_cliche number 8- Kids who see ghosts_**

_The child's "imaginary friend" turns out to be real:_ If your kid says that his imaginary friend is an 18th century tobacco farmer named Jedediah, it's time to move.

Me: Seeing how Tommy's the youngest, he will be playing the kid with the imaginary friend, and the rest of you will be the idiot adults around him. He's already in the room hanging out with the ghost.

Takuya: Now, is he pretending to have a friend, or did you hire a real ghost?

Me: A real ghost of course, you idiot. I need this as accurate as possible. I hired the Jackal from the movie Thirteen Ghosts.

Everyone: O_O;

Me: In case anyone is wondering, the Jackal's real name is Ryan Kuhn. He was obsessed with raping and murdering women before he finally admitted himself into a mental hospital. His arms became disfigured after his strait-jacket was overtightened and his head was kept in a cage cuz he liked to bite. He ended up dying in a fire in the institution before anyone decided to get him out. In the movie he was confined in a glass house and killed anyone who got near him. I suggest a game of hide and seek and make sure you hide outside the damn house.

Takuya: But you let him out already!

Me: Don't worry, he won't hurt Tommy. He liked women, not children.

Zoe: I ain't going in that room!

Me: Oh, you won't even be able to see him. So come on, get moving.

Everyone: -_-; Fine...... *go to Tommy's room*

Tommy: * is sitting at a table with a checkers board in front of him and an empty chair across from him* Hey guys. I'm playing checkers with my new friend. He's winning, though....

Takuya: *reads from poorly written script I wrote ten seconds ago* Don't be crazy. There's no one there.

Tommy: That's cuz you can't see him. Ha! King me!

Takuya: *tries to ignore the fact that one of the checkers is floating in mid-air* It's because he doesn't exist. If you don't see it, it's not real.

Zoe: Yeah. Go to the park and make some real friends.

Tommy: Nah, last time I went there, a hobo took my hot dog. Besides, The Jackal doesn't cheat. Or so he says.....*to the chair across from him* I'm kidding, dude! Don't be like that!

Takuya: Stop imaginating weird things. People are gonna think you're acting too much like Kouji. *suddenly feels his underwear pulled and gets a wedgie* Aaaahhh! Dammit, Kouji! I was kidding!

Kouji: Um....that wasn't me.....

Takuya: O_O Well.......it still hurts! *gets dropped onto the floor with a loud thud*

Tommy: That's what you get for making Ryan angry.

J.P.: He. Is. Not. Real. *suddenly feels a wet finger go into his ear* Aaaaahhh! Wet Willy! Gross, Takuya!

Takuya: It's not me, ya stupid bastard! It was the ghost-uh I mean nothing! *gets hit in the head with a can of Spaghetti-O's* I'm feeling a concussion coming soon.....Tweet, tweet, tweet........ *stands there off in a daze with his tongue hanging out* Uh.........

Tommy: That's what you get for not believing me! Damn, adults are idiots in movies......

Kouichi: There's no one there, Tommy. It's all a part of your imagination. *gets a checker thrown at his head by the ghost* As I was saying, there is no such thing as- *gets hit with another checker* I'm gonna pretend like that didn't happen. Anyway, your friend isn't re- *gets hit in the head with the checkers board* Ow!

Tommy: Ryan! Now we gotta start all over again....

The Jackal: *suddenly appears in the seat* He provoked me.....

Everyone: O_O;

Takuya: *somewhat alert now* I need a clean pair of shorts now.

The Jackal: *looks at Zoe up and down* Hey baby. How's about you, me, and the knife I used to kill my other victims go have some fun?

Zoe: O_O *faints*

Takuya: *grabs hold of her and looks at the ghost* She's mine, pal! So back off!

The Jackal: You wanna fight me, bitch? You think that just cuz I'm in a restraint jacket I can't beat you up?! Well, you're right! At least until I can get my arms free....That nutcase running the show strapped my arms so tight I can't feel them.

Me: *whistles nonchalantly while filing nails*

Tommy: See? I told ya that he was real!

Kouji: *points at me* She's the one who told us to pretend like he didn't. Don't blame us, blame her.

J.P.: Yeah, if the ghost is mad that we pretended like he didn't exist, he should get pissed at her.

The Jackal: *looks at me, then shakes his head* No! She scares me!

Me: *is eating leftovers from my dinner at Leatherface's house* Wish Dr. Lecter could've joined us tonight. This meat is to die for.....

Takuya: * to the ghost* I think she should've been put in the institution with you.

The Jackal: My thoughts exact. I'm gonna go now, I have a card game with the other ghosts confined in that damn house. They better not make it strip poker again! I can't move my arms enough to get undressed.... *vanishes with a creepy wail*

_The End_

**okay, another set of stupid cliches is finished. hope you liked them so let me know what you think. next chapter should be out in a few days, so keep a lookout. in the meantime, see ya later ^_^**


	5. Chapter 5

**okay, here is two more stupid things that are overdone in horror movies. im too lazy to write any more to the intro, so here it is.**

**20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches**

**Chapter 5**

**_cliche number 9- The wise old timer_**

_An old man or woman conveniently explains the killer's whole back story for the hero:_ If you know so much, why aren't you dead?

Me: *is running down the street with the others close behind* Faster, you idiots! She's catching up to us!

J.P.: *huff* Aren't you the one *huff* who's not afraid of *huff* this shit?! *huff huff*

Me: Give me an axe-welding psycho any day! But keep creepy kids away from me!

Takuya: *looks over his shoulder* Where the fuck is she?!

Kouji: Who cares?! Just keep running! I hate kids!

Tommy: Hey!

Kouji: Well, besides you!

Zoe: *looks at Takuya* You just _had_ to put that damn video on, didn't you?!

Takuya: How was I supposed to know that it wasn't Finding Nemo?! There was no label on it!

Kouichi: Hehe, you watch Finding Nemo?

Me: *smacks him upside the head* Do not diss Nemo! He's the shit!

J.P.: *huff huff huff* I think I'm gonna pass out.....I need energy..... *pulls out a Twinkie* This should do it....

Leatherface: *is running past us in jogging attire and grabs the Twinkie*

J.P.: Hey! That's mine! *increases his speed*

Leatherface: *pushes an old lady off her motorized scooter and drives away on it*

J.P.: Hey! *collides with a creepy old man*

Old man: Get offa me, you little hoodlum!

Takuya: *pulls fatass off the old guy* Who the hell are you?

Old man: I heard that you're being chased by a girl, am I not correct?

Me: *grabs his collar and shakes him* Are you stalking me?! Who do you work for, the Feds?!

Old man: Um....no.....

Me: Oh....okay.... *lets him go* So then what's it to ya?

Old man: *holds up a sign that reads 'Will explain the girl's backround for food'*

Kouichi: *punches J.P. and steals a candy bar that falls out of his pocket* Here, eat this. Now tell us who she is!

J.P.: ......Oh.......My stomach.......It's so empty!

Old man: Mmmmm, I remember when a bar of chocolate used to cost a nickel.

Takuya: That's great, but what do you know about the crazy girl that's following us? Besides her, I mean. *points to me, who is in the process of melting a plastic spoon with a lighter* She crawled out of the t.v. and killed some dude that was trying to sell us real estate. Now she's after us.

Old man: I know who she is, for I have seen her grow up into the evil little monster she's become. When she was born, the doctors said that she was Satan.

Zoe: Oh, my god! Are you serious?!

Old man: Yes, and then the girl's mother hit the doctors for stripping her of her 'title'. Apparently the mother thought that she was the Devil and didn't wanna be outdone by her own kid. I was there because I was an intern.

Tommy: Well, what happened to make her so evil? And what the hell is her name?

Old man: Her name is Samara, and she has always been evil. She would do sick and twisted shit all the time. She poisioned animals, and burned down buildings. And worst of all, she always hid the remote control! That's why she comes out of the television.

Takuya: But who shot the video?

Old man: I did ^_^ I was a part-time camera man. In fact, I had so many odd jobs that I saw her doing horrible stuff more than anyone else. When she was in the first grade, she glued a kid to the seat. I was a window-washer, so I was looking into the room and staring at the kids all day.

Kouji: That's kinda creepy.....But continue.

Old man: The best lunch is a warm bowl of tomato soup, a grilled cheese sandwich, and a tall glass of prune juice!

Me: No, about the girl, you senile geiser.

Old man: You sound just like my tenth wife. May she burn in hell for burning the peach cobbler. But Samara finally fell down a well because she dropped her ice cream cone down it. She attempted to do a Mission Impossible stunt, but it backfired when a squirrel came along and gnawed through the rope.

Kouichi: That's fucked up.

Old man: I don't understand you crazy kids and your 'hip' slang terms, so stop confusing me! I want bananas with my oatmeal, Nurse! Nurse! *hits Kouji on the head with a cane* What's wrong with this buzzer?! *hits Kouji three more times* Nuuuuuuurse!

Kouji: Ow! That hurt, ya crazy bat!

Me: Shut up, Kouji. You deserved it for being overly emo today. I saw you talking to a doll and you acted like it was your psychiatrist.

Kouji: Hey, Chucky gives really good advice!

Old man: You kids get off my lawn!

J.P.: We're in the center of a busy town, you know. But do you know anything else about Samara.

Old man: She likes Chutes and Ladders, but she hate Monopoly. Her favorite color is black and her least favorite is potatoes!

Takuya: But potatoes aren't-

Old man: *starts to rant in a senile manner* In 1856, a unicorn stole my couch! You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake! I had a golf-cart but it was taken away after I hit one too many golfers!

Me: I think we should be going now..... *backs away cautiously*

Old man: Samara needs a towel to dry off! She'll never make any friends if she's walking around sopping wet and her hair in her face!

Tommy: *sarcastically* Yeah, just ignore the fact that she kills people......

Old man: Louise?! Is that you?! Where is my old record player, I want it back! Don't think that just because we had the same ceramics class that I'm going to let you keep what is mine!

Kouichi: Let's get outta here!

Old man: I'll teach you to steal from me! *chases Kouichi*

Kouichi: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! *runs away with the man swinging his cane at him*

Old man: *singing* She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes!

Me: *sees the creepy girl walking down the street* Fuck this! I'm outta here! *runs off*

Everyone: Wait for us! *runs after me*

Kouichi: *manages to get the old man to stop chasing him by giving him a shiny quarter*

Old man: Oh, I'm rich! I can buy five candy bars! *runs into a convenience store*

Kouichi: *runs after the rest of us* Wait for me! I don't wanna get killed by an emo little girl! She should kill Kouji instead!

Kouji: Fuck you!

_The End_

**_cliche number 10- The sixth sense_**

_The story ends with the protagonist having been dead all along:_ You can't all be M. Night Shyamalan, so stop trying.

Me: Okay, acting this out will be none other than.....Drum roll please! *hears crickets chirping* I said drum roll! *crickets become silent* Assholes....but Kouji will be doing this one.

Kouji: So that means I get to pretend that I'm dead and can do whatever the hell I want?

Me: Yeah, go nuts. And try not to kill yourself in the process, you moron.

Kouji: But I thought I was dead.

Me: You're acting it out, Poindexter. You can go through things, but that's about it.

Kouji: How'd you get the power to make me go through things?

Me: I stole a special spray from the government. ^_^ I figured that they're not using it....Well besides the times that they go into our bank accounts and steal our money and sanity! *eye twitches*

Kouji: Take is easy, psycho. We all know that the government is evil.

Me: You're telling me. I know this dude that goes by the name of Redman (not named after the rapper) that wears all red and claims that he was abducted by the government.

Kouji: O_O; You're kidding me, right?

Me: Well, he's changed his story a few times. First he was abducted by aliens, then a mythical creature, and right now he's going with the government. Want me to introduce you to him?

Kouji: Um, no. I'm good.

Me: Well, then take it away! *shoves him into an oncoming car*

Kouji: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! *goes right through the car* Oh, yeah I forgot. I can go through things.

Me: No shit, Sherlock. Now go and be stupid for the next half hour so I can track down your retarded brother. He owes me fifty bucks for bailing him out....*goes off in search of Kouichi*

Kouji: Yes! I can do whatever I want! *begins to cut himself, only for the blade to go right through like air* Haha! Now I can cut myself without the clean-up! *waits three seconds* Okay, I'm bored....Oh, I can jump off a building!

[cuts to Kouji standing on top of the Empire State Building with his arms out like wings]

Kouji: Red Bull gives you wiiiiiiiiings! *takes a sip of Red Bull, then proceeds to jump off* I'm a bird! I'm a plane! I'm- *crashes into the ground so hard the force makes a crater* ......In pain...... X_X

Me: *runs by chasing Kouichi* Get back here, ya little bastard! A deal's a deal!

Kouichi: *runs faster* But you never paid me back when I bailed you out! And it cost me a hundred dollars, not fifty. So in reality, you owe me fifty dollars!

Me: ......Oh.....Shit..... *runs in the opposite direction, this time getting chased by Kouichi* Just forget I said anything!

Kouichi: Oh, no you don't!

Me: *runs into a weapons store, then comes back out with a carbon assault rifle* Say hello to my little friend!

Kouichi: O_O Fuck..... *runs away again with me close behind*

[back to Kouji]

Kouji: Ow.....that didn't work out like I anticipated that it would.....But I can still do cool things! I know! I'll steal something! *goes into a 7-Eleven, then sneaks over to the candy bar section* Hehe, no one will ever know. *takes a hershey bar and puts it in his coat pocket*

Random little kid: I saw you take that, mister.

Kouji: Um....no you didn't? Besides, didn't your mother ever tell you not to speak to strangers?

Little kid: Oh, yeah! *takes out a whistle and blows on it very loudly* Stranger danger! Stranger danger!

Kid's mother: Get away from my son, you sicko! *sprays him in the face with pepper spray*

Kouji: Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! It buuuuuuuuuuurns! *stumbles out of the store, losing the candy bar in the process*

Kid's mother: Maniac!

Kouji: Crazy bitch!

Me: *out of nowhere* Did you call me?

Kouji: Not you! *rubs his eyes* Damn, there has to be something I could do.....

Me: You can look up a girl's dress, you pervert. She can't slap you across the face or anything.

Kouji: *sarcastically* Yeah, just like the pavement wouldn't hurt me.

Me: That's different, it was solid ground and too thick. You couldn't go through it, so you slammed into it. But no one can hurt you by hitting you.

Kouji: I guess you're right. *goes over to a hot girl and lifts her skirt up* Haha! What are you gonna do about it now?!

Girl: *sprays him in the face with pepper spray* Pervert!

Kouji: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh! My eyes! *stumbles away with the girl running after him with the spray*

Girl: That'll teach you to lift up a girl's skirt!

Me: Hey, I said that she couldn't hurt him by hitting him. Never said anything about pepper spray. ^_^

_The End_

**okay, we're halfway done with our cliches. stay tuned for the next two in the sixth chapter, coming soon. let me know how you liked it ^_^ byez**


	6. Chapter 6

**okay, this is a little longer than usual. but hey, that just means more stupidity, right?**

**disclaimer: i do not own digimon or the horror movie killers i am using for this parody.**

**20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches**

**Chapter 6**

**_cliche number 11- Kill tease_**

_A killer who toys with the hero while disposing of the supporting cast with ease:_ The same killer who's been ruthlessly running a harpoon through everyone for 80 minutes now decides to grasp the hero by the neck and toss him around the room in as non-fatal a manner as possible?

Me: Okay, since Takuya is oblivious to his surroundings, he will be playing the idiot wandering around, while the rest of you guys get killed off one by one.

Kouji: You know, I'm really getting sick and tired of Takuya being the damn star for most of these.

Takuya: You're just jealous, emo boy! You wish you had my talent.

Me: I think you mean _lack_ of talent. You're usually cast as the moron, seeing how you are the biggest one here.

Takuya: I am not an idiot!

Me: What's 10+7-6?

Takuya: Uh........fifty-eight?

Me: Nice try, idiot. For your troubles, here is a picture of Zoe in a bikini. *gives him the photo*

Takuya: *foams at the mouth* Bikini!

Zoe: *smacks him in the back of his head* Calm down, already. Damn.....

Me: Anyway, the guy I hired to kill all of you will be none other than Jason Voorhees from the Friday the 13th movies.

J.P.: *takes a bite from a sandwich* That guy sounds familiar.

Tommy: Jeez, even I know who he is. And I'm not even allowed to watch scary movies.

Me: *talks to J.P. like he's an dimwit* When Jason was a kid, he was ridiculed by everyone because he was disfigured. He was drowned in the lake at the camp he went to by evil asshole campers. Being pissed off about that, he returned from his watery grave to seek revenge, complete with a machete and a hockey mask. Like half of the other damn killers, Jason doesn't talk, but with his friggen size, he doesn't have to. Also, he doesn't run, but he somehow is always the same exact distance behind you even if you hopped onto a plane.

Kouichi: *sarcastically* Great. And don't tell me, we're going to just 'pretend' that we're being killed.

Me: Yup ^_^

Kouji: Aren't you forgetting about my mishap with that Pinhead guy? How he actually killed me?

Me: I didn't forget, I just don't give a shit. Besides, I still have my time machine in case you guys are killed. *quietly* Which you will be....

Everyone: Wow, thanks..... -_-;

Me: Okay, Takuya. Start the scene by aimlessly wandering around like you normally do. Everyone else go your separate ways and try not to have a heart attack when Jason pops out.

Everyone: I hate you.....

Me: Too bad, I hate a lot of people too. *into a megaphone* Now start the scene!

Takuya: *starts walking around singing to himself* Row, row, row you're boat....

[cuts to Kouji walking around nervously] Think happy thoughts. Happy thoughts....like fuzzy pink bunnies....Uh, I mean, monster trucks! Babes in lingerie! A free pizza!

Jason: *pops out of nowhere and decapitates him*

Me: Dammit...better go get that time machine working again.... *goes off to get the machine ready*

[cuts to Kouichi]

Kouichi: *talking to himself* ....I wonder if Kouji's already dead....I hope so. I'd rather have him die instead of me. He's the emo one, so he'd enjoy it more...Now maybe I can help myself to his collection of Hustler magazines....Much better than Playboy....I don't like looking at those Playboy girls because I know that they've slept with that ancient Hefner dude. What is he, three hundred years old? I bet every day the girls take turns putting a mirror up to his mouth to see if he's still alive. If it fogs up, he hasn't croaked yet. If not....then maybe I can apply for the job of being the new and improved Hugh Hefner....

Jason: *pops out and grabs him around the throat, lifing him into the air*

Kouichi: *choking noises* I...like....hot tubs....with girls.....hot girls! In...bikinis....and......clown shoes!

Jason: *breaks his neck and drops him to the ground*

Me: Clown shoes....what the fuck?

[cuts back to Takuya]

Takuya: *is singing along with the random old guy from the last chapter* She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes! Yee haw!

Old man: She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes! *stops and looks at Takuya* Louise! I thought I told you to give me back my record player! And I'm ready for my nap, Nurse! *hits Takuya over the head with his cane*

Takuya: Ow! *runs away with the old guy close behind* Leave me alone, you senile bastard!

Old man: *still chasing him* My meds are late! Where are they?! And there's a fly in my soup, so don't expect me to eat it! The unicorn that stole my couch can have it! Give me my couch and my record player already!

[cuts to J.P.]

J.P.: I hate horror movies.....and killers.....and low-fat foods.....and when the fridge is empty....and when the fridge isn't empty but still doesn't have anything I want to eat....

Jason: *jumps down from a tree with smashes his head in with a shovel*

Me: I didn't feel like dealing with J.P. anymore, so he didn't get many lines.....

Tommy: Am I next?

Me: No, you're too young to be killed off in a grisly fashion like that. Maybe next year.

Tommy: Awww.....

Me:...Eh, what the hell. Go have fun, kid! ^_^

Tommy: Alright! Hey big hockey-masked dude! Betcha can't catch me! Nah nah nah nah! *sticks tongue out*

Jason: *breaks the shovel's handle off and throws it at Tommy, impaling him into a tree*

Tommy: Sweet! I just got killed! *dies*

Jason: *goes to look for Zoe*

[cuts to Zoe]

Zoe: I really don't want to die.....Or do I? No! I'm hanging out with Kouji too much. He's making us all emo! I wonder how a razor blade feels.....

Jason: *pops out and holds up his machete*

Zoe: Oh, shit! *gets stabbed through the chest and falls to the ground, dead*

Takuya: *runs up to Jason, out of breath from getting away from the crazy old dude* So....tired..... *looks at Zoe* Zoe! O_O *looks at Jason* You fucking bastard! You gonna finish me off, too?!

Jason: *looks at him for a moment, then shrugs and flicks him on the forehead*

Takuya: Ow! What the fuck?! Is that it?!

Jason: *walks away not paying attention to Takuya anymore*

Takuya: Get back here, ya asshole! Finish me off!

Jason: *flips him off*

Takuya: *picks Zoe up* Why did he have to kill my Zoe?! Why not everyone else?! He just _had_ to kill the only person who doesn't think I'm an idiot!

Me: Actually, Zoe thought you were an idiot, too.

Takuya: Oh....dammit....

Old man: Louise? Did you steal my box of Bran Flakes? And my western movies? *goes up to a squirrel* Ah-ha! I knew it was you! Hand them over before I bust out my Chuck Norris skills! You don't wanna mess with me! *attempts to kick the squirrel, only to fall asleep halfway through and collapse to the ground*

_The End_

**_cliche number 12- Dizzy-headed demon_**

_Any fast-moving head special effect:_ Originally a neat effect to give an indication of supernatural goings-on (see _Jacob's Ladder_ or _House on_ _Haunted Hill_), this has become the horror equivalent of The Matrix's "bullet time."

[shows a time machine, then everyone getting out of it dressed in medieval clothing]

Kouji: Is this going to be a regular thing? Going back to the fucking medieval days?

Me: Hey, don't look at me. Takuya was the one that wanted to slay the dragon this time around.

Takuya: *is proudly looking into a box* I'm keeping its heart for good luck.....

Kouji: And you say I'm the freak.....

Me: Not nearly as weird as me. But anyway, J.P. will be doing this scene.

J.P.: Let me get changed! *runs off*

Me: Wait, you dumbass! You don't need to change! You look just fine in your medieval clothing. Plus, it's slimming and you need all the help you can get.

J.P.: *comes back wearing a leather outfit complete with a jacket and sunglasses* What do you think of my outfit? Makes me look like the dude from The Matrix, huh?

Everyone: O_O;

Me: Um...only if he was locked in supermarket overnight.

J.P.: Oh, come on! Let me have some fun with this scene. You mentioned The Matrix, so why shouldn't I be allowed to dress like him?

Kouji: Cuz you look like the fat dude from Hellraiser. The one that hangs out with Pinhead. I think his name was Butterball or something....

J.P.: *in a really whiny voice* Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase!

Me: Fine, you idiot. Go ahead for all I care. Acting this out with you will be Captain Spaulding from the movies House of 1,000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects. Captain Spaulding is a maniac clown that owns a gas station. He purposely misleads tourists to go in the wrong direction, only to have them finished off by his psychopathic family. He is loud, talkative, and usually very horny. On the first impression, he doesn't seem like a bad guy, just a wise-cracking, cigarette-smoking clown with a strange collection of human body parts that he keeps in jars. Or maybe he is weird, now that I think about it.... *thinks about it* Nah, that's not weird.

Everyone: O_O; Well, you aren't normal...

Me: ^_^ Well, take it away, Butterball! I mean, J.P.....Then again, Butterball is a fun name.

J.P.: Don't call me that or I'll tell my dad!

Me: Butterball!

J.P.: Daddy!

Mr. Shibayama: Pipe down! I'm watching the game!

J.P.: _T_T _Okay... I'll start the scene..... *wanders into a strange building*

Me: Hurry up! The faster you move, the quicker we can go out for ice cream! My treat! *punches Kouichi and takes his wallet* Well, maybe Kouichi's treat.

Kouichi: Ow......

J.P.: *enters a room where Captain Spaulding is standing and shaking violently.* Uh....what's going on? O_O;

Captain Spaulding: I took too much esctacy and now it's making me shake! Yee haw! Now I can move really cool! Plus all that alcohol I drank makes it ten times better. Weeeeeeeeee, the room is spinning!

Tommy: What's ecstasy?

Me: *whispers something into his ear*

Tommy: A SEX DRUG?!

Me: Shhhhhhhhhhhh! You're not supposed to scream it.....But then again, I guess you're old enough to know by now.

J.P.: So.....what am I supposed to do now? Just stand here?

Me: Yup and wait what happens... ^_^

Captain Spaulding: I'm feeling damn good right now! In fact, let's play catch! *begins to move around all dizzily and blurrily (if that's even a real word)* We can use my collection! *throws jars at J.P.*

J.P.: Aaaaaaaaahhhh! *dodges them Matrix style, only not as cool cuz he lands on his face* OW! Ya crazy bastard!

Captain Spaulding: *keeps throwing them* There's a head, and a hand, and a tail...and a picture of Fishboy....and this nice eyeball! Just take 'em all and study them! They can move!

J.P.: Stop throwing things at me! Help! I can't keep dodging this shit forever!

Everyone: *left to go get ice cream without him*

J.P.: I hate you guys!

Captain Spaulding: I'm horny and drunk and drunk and horny and fucked up on ecstasy! That's some good shit! You should try some!

J.P.: Well, I got nothing better to do.... *takes some ecstasy and begins to move around in a similar fashion* Wow, this_ is_ great! And here I am thinking that you're just a horny old clown.

Captain Spaulding: I am horny. *wiggles his eyebrows creepily*

J.P.: O_O; Uuuuuuuuuuh....

Captain Spaulding: But I only like women! So calm down, tubby!

J.P.: Soooooo weird feeling...... *spots some bubble wrap* Oh, bubble wrap. Will you keep me company? *rolls around in it* Weeeeeeeee!

Captain Spaulding: Yeah, now you're getting it!

J.P.: *gets up and starts to shake his butt and sing* My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and their like it's better than yours! Damn right, it's better than yours! I can teach you, but I have to charge!

Captain Spaulding: *begins to clap and dance along*

J.P.:*keeps singing* I know you want it, the thing that makes me, what the guys go crazy for. They lose their minds, the way I wind, I think it's time.

Captain Spaulding: Hell yeah! When you're done, I'm gonna sing Baby Got Back!

J.P.: La-la la la la, warm it up. La-la la la la, the boys are waiting....

Me: *comes in with an ice cream* What the fuck....?

Captain Spaulding: That's enough! My turn! *begins to sing* I like big butts and I can not lie! You other brothers can't deny! When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you get sprung! Wanna pull out your tough, 'cause you notice that butt was stuffed. Deep in the jeans she's wearing, I'm hooked and I can't stop staring. Oh baby, I wanna get with you and take your picture. My homeboys tried to warn me, but that butt you got makes me so horny. Ooh, Rump-o-smooth-skin, you say you wanna get in my Benz? Well, use me, use me, 'cause you ain't that average groupie!

Me: -_-;

J.P.: My turn! *sings* I've seen them dancin', to hell with romancin'. She's sweat, wet, got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette. I'm tired of magazines, sayin flat butts are the thing. Take the average black me and ask him that. She gotta pack much back. So, fellas!

Captain Spaulding: Yeah!

J.P.: Fellas!

Captain Spaulding: Yeah!

J.P.: Has your girlfriend got the butt?

Captain Spaulding: Hell yeah!

J.P.: Tell 'em to shake it!

Captain Spaulding: Shake it!

J.P: Shake it!

Captain Spaulding: Shake it!

J.P.: Shake that healthy butt!

Captain Spaulding: Baby got back!

Me: Okay, I'm just gonna put you both out of your misery. *knocks them both out with a shovel*

Both of them:_ X_X_

Me: *leaves the room* How the fuck did I end up working with a bunch of idiots?

_The End_

**note: i do now own 'milkshake' or 'baby got back'. they are owned by kelis and sir mix-a-lot ^_^**

**okay, im done with this chapter. let me know what you think even if its in the form of a flame. see ya later**


	7. Chapter 7

**yay, im so excited. i have a new moron sending me messages. i really think i have an idiot magnet around here somewhere...takuya, stop hanging out with me!**

**takuya: oh, fine.... *leaves***

**me: yup, apparently i have a new horny little (emphasize on little) friend who just has too much spare time and not enough spare cash. goes by the name of fuck buddy (wow, how original). dude, if you're that desperate for companionship, ill give you some money so you can get laid. unfortunately, all of the female hookers are busy at the moment. but luckily for you, i would never let you and your miniscule cock down. so i found you a man to do your business. he comes with a mini-skirt, heels, and a platinum blond wig for your enjoyment. and the twist of it is that_ you're_ the one who'll be wearing that shit. so bend over, and start feeling the love that you never felt from your brother (or the pig in the barn, either or) so here is five dollars which is all that you'll need for that nice man and you can pay him when you're done. he likes to get violent, so if you cant sit for a week or two, dont be surprised. well have fun and enjoy your night ^_^**

**oh and by the way to answer your questions, i dont shake my milkshake for all the boys in the yard, i wouldnt shake my ass for you (a rock is higher on my standards list than you) but as i was saying, have fun. and i hope you like penetration without any lubrication. see ya! **

**20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches**

**Chapter 7**

**_cliche number 13- The "turned" loved one_**

_Someone is hesitant to kill a loved one who's turned into a zombie/vampire/werewolf, etc.:_ This is almost always accompanied by the rational persuasion of another person saying, "That isn't your [mother/father/brother/sister/spouse/Brazilian bikini waxer] anymore!"

Me: Alrighty, for this stupid cliche, Kouji will be the one who's been turned into a zombie or whatever, and Kouichi will be the one who is hesitant to kill him.

Kouji: Yes! I get to be dead again!

Kouichi: Aw, how come he gets to be the zombie or whatever? Just because he's a fucking emo?!

Me: Think of it this way, you get to kill him.

Kouichi: *thinks about it and smiles* Alright! I've always wanted to kill him!

Kouji: What?!

Kouichi: Oh, come on. You make fun of me, you steal my things, and you set me up on a blind date with an old hobo wearing a pink dress. And he was wearing a platinum blond wig and he sang Elton John songs for a half an hour!

Takuya: You didn't leave the date earlier?

Kouichi: ......I didn't wanna be rude.... Plus he gave me a sweet t-shirt that he stole from someone. *holds up a pink shirt with a picture of Elton John riding a piano through space*

J.P.: Oh, I have that shirt too! Hell yeah!

Me: -_-; I'm surrounded.....Well, anyway....What do you wanna be, Kouji? Werewolf? Vampire? Zombie? Come on, you have ten seconds to decide!

Kouji: Um...uh....er....too much pressure!

Me: *hits him over the head with a mop* Get ahold of yourself!

Kouji: *hugs himself*

Me: Not literally, you half-wit! Just pick one so we can start the scene.

Kouji: Um...I guess I'll be a zombie....

Me: Here, Kouichi. You'll need this. *hands him a shotgun*

Kouji: You're giving him a shotgun?!

Me: Well, if you picked vampire, it would've only been a stake. Or if you were a werewolf....well I still would've given him a gun. Only it would have silver bullets instead of regular ones.

Kouichi: Sweet! But how is Kouji supposed to come off as a convincing zombie?

Kouji: Yeah, how am I-

Me: *hits him in the head with the mop even harder, causing him to become hopelessly confused and clumsy*

Kouji: Uuuuuuuuuuggghhhh..........*stumbles around*

Takuya: Shoot him, Kouichi!

Kouichi: Um....

Kouji: Aaaaaaaaargghhhh..... *bumps into the wall and stumbles over to Kouichi* Uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh.......

Takuya: Shoot the bastard! He's not your brother anymore! He's a flesh-eating zomzie!

Kouji: Uuuuugggggggggghhhh.... *turns around and trips over a chair*

Me: It's 'zombie' you moron! Read the script the right way or I'll have someone else replace you!

Takuya: Well, sor-ry! He's a flesh-eating zoomzie!

Me: Zombie!

Takuya: Zoomzoom!

Me: Zombie!

Takuya: Zimma-zimma zoom-zoom!

Me: Z-O-M-B-I-E! ZOMBIE, YOU STUPID FUCK!

Takuya: He is a fish-beating Zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

Me: *eye twitches* I won't hesitate to lock you up.

Takuya: A tap-dancing, stuffed animal-hugging, cookie-stealing penguin!

Me: Oh, that's it! *throws him into a closet, then looks at Kouichi* Kill Kouji!

Kouichi: No! He's still my brother, zombie or not!

Me: He's amongst the dead! And then if he bites you, you'll turn into a zombie too!

Kouichi: No! I would rather die than to kill my own brother! *puts the gun down*

Kouji: Aaaarrrghhhh.... *is repeatedly walking into a wall*

Me: Remember the time when he blackmailed you into wearing a goat costume, then had you jump from rooftop to rooftop singing 'I'm a little teapot short and stout! I'm really gay, so now I'm coming out!' Remember how he made you make a fool of yourself and tell everyone that you were gay, even though you're not?

Kouichi: .......Well.....I still can't do it....

Me: He cut a hole in the back of your jeans so that everyone could see your butt all day.

Kouichi: What?! *tugs at his pants to see a huge hole exposing his boxer-clad butt* The fucking jerk!

Me: Hey, at least you're not wearing tightie-whities. Your spiderman boxers are kickass!

Kouichi: -_-;.....Well, it does suck and I'm pissed at him....But I still can't bring myself to shoot him.

Kouji: Uhhhhhhh........ *falls over a table*

Takuya: *stumbles out of the closet* Screw this, I'm leaving... I can't believe you locked me in a closet! *walks away to reveal that he also has a huge hole in the back of his pants like Kouichi*

Me: Nice ninja turtles!

Takuya: *too stupid to catch on* Thanks! Ninja turtles are awesome! *leaves the room*

Me: *looks at Kouichi* And he's the one who dumped pink paint on you last week. He also sent a picture of you to a bunch of girls that had a caption on the bottom that said 'Creepy stalker dude. Keep your distance.' He told the girls that you were a psycho that escaped from an insane asylum and that your name was Wheatjorm Horsenfeffer. And he sent a rabid chipmunk after you, and he pushed you into that radioactive lake.

Kouichi: Yeah, and I'm still glowing from that incident.... *glows then looks at Kouji angrily* I still don't know if I can-

Me: He sold all of your beanie babies for five bucks!

Kouichi: You fucking asshole! *picks up the shotgun and shoots Kouji with it*

Kouji: *snaps out of his stupor* OW! You shot me, you dumbass! What the fuck is wrong with you?! I'm not a real zombie!

Kouichi: That's for selling my beanie babies! Payback's a bitch!

Random girl: *walks by and sees Kouichi* Oh, my god! It's Wheatjorm Horsenfeffer! *screams and runs away*

Kouichi: See what ya did?! *kicks Kouji and walks away*

Kouji: .....I hate you all.....

Me: That looks like fun ^_^ *kicks him also and runs off*

Kouji: _X_X_ Ow....

Takuya: *randomly walking by singing* The internet is for porn! The internet is for porn! Why you think the net was born? Porn, porn, porn!

_The End_

**_cliche number 14- The unresponsive body _**

_Someone approaches a slumped-over body across the room with its back to the camera:_ The prototypical "boo" moment, this scenario involves the person gingerly saying things like "Are you okay?" and "Stop kidding around" as he nears the unresponsive body, which turns out to be either a corpse or a creature who wants to eat him. In either case, you should carry a long "poking stick" with you before even thinking about approaching such a figure.

Me: Since Takuya is the dumbest one of all, he will be walking up to the unresponsive body.

Takuya: It's not gonna bite my head off, will it?

Me: Um...I dunno?

Takuya: Well, who's gonna be the dead body?

Me: I can't tell you that. *gets all shifty-eyed* But why don't you look for Zoe?

Takuya: Hey, good idea! *runs off in search of her*

Kouji: *looks at me* Zoe's playing the dead one, right?

Me: Isn't it obvious? But of course it's gonna take Takuya three hours to figure it out. Idiot... -_-;

[cuts to Takuya entering a dimly-lit room]

Takuya: Zoooooooeeeeee! Can you make me a sandwich? I'm hungry and J.P. keeps stealing my chips!

Zoe: *is sitting in a chair with her back turned to Takuya* .....................

Takuya: Zoe? Can you make me a sandwich, please? Oh, and cut the crust off! Then can you shape them into dinosaurs?

Zoe: .........

Takuya: *walks up behind her* Oh, come on. Don't tell me that you're still mad at me. I didn't mean to touch your chest earlier! Tommy 'bumped' into me. It was an accident! Besides, you're my girlfriend anyway, so it's not like I was being perverted.

Zoe: .........

Takuya: Zoe? *nudges her, causing her to fall off the chair and onto the floor*

Zoe: * is laying there with a huge bullet hole in her chest and her eyes vacant*

Takuya: Oh, you must've passed out from all that alcohol we drank earlier. I knew you were a light-weight, but damn... *picks her up and carries her over to a couch* Come on, wake up. Can you please make me a sandwich? Or at least tell fatass to give me my chips back? He won't listen to me, but if you bribe him with an imaginary date, he'll listen to you. Please?

Zoe:_ X_X .........._

Takuya: Alright, I get it. You're not my servant, so I shouldn't treat you like one. Wanna cuddle? *sits on the couch with her and pulls her into his lap* Damn, Zoe! You're getting ketchup all over my shirt! What, did you have a ketchup-loaded hot dog or something?

Everyone else: *from outside the room* -_-; Idiot.......

Kouji: Wow, I figured that even he'd catch on by now....

Kouichi: Well, you lost. Pay up.

Kouji: *mutters and hands his brother ten dollars*

Kouichi: Cha-ching!

Me: Shut up! I wanna hear!

Takuya: Why aren't you talking to me?! I already apologized for touching your chest! Or are you still mad at me for the time that I stole your lollipop in kindergarten? You can't be mad about that, cuz you got your revenge by pulling my pants down!

Zoe: _X_X_ ...........

Takuya: Okay, I'm sorry I yelled at you. How about I make it up to you? *climbs on top of her and begins to kiss her*

Me: *quietly* You know, it's a good thing that Zoe's not really dead -_-; It would be kinda disturbing if he had sex with a dead person.

J.P.: Let's see how far this goes.

Zoe: *eyebrow slightly twitches in annoyance* _X_X;_ ......

Takuya: Oh, yeah! You're so much better than bubble wrap! *takes his shirt off*

Zoe: _X_X;_ *thinking how she's gonna kill him later for being so damn stupid*

Takuya: *to himself* Well, she's not complaining or stopping me.....so.... *he touches her chest*

Zoe: *punches him*

Takuya: OW! *falls to the floor*

Zoe: *sits up* You idiot! Did you not realize the damn bullet hole in my chest?! I was playing the dead person, you half-wit!

Takuya: Oh.....um, what?

Zoe: I'm gonna kill you! You were supposed to freak out about the fact that I was dead, like they do in the movies! *sarcastically* Good to know that when I actually do die, you're just gonna try to have sex with me!

Takuya: No, I won't! I knew that you were faking.....

Zoe: I should've just popped up and tried to eat you like some undead creature!

Takuya: Now, that's not nice!

Zoe: And you thought I was covered in ketchup?! I'm not a slob like you, so I wouldn't be covered in it!

Takuya: Well, what was it?

Zoe: Corn syrup and red food coloring! Screw this, I'm getting a drink...Oh, wait! I shouldn't seeing how I'm a light-weight!

Takuya: Sorry......

Tommy: *walks into the room* You gotta admit, Takuya...That was pretty stupid of you for not noticing.....

Takuya: I knew that she was faking.....

Me: Ha, yeah right! *shakes head and laughs* You are the greatest cheap entertainment anyone could ever ask for.

Takuya: Nuh-uh! And you guys are mean for faking Zoe's death. Do you realize how horrible I felt when I found her?!

Kouji: You put her on a couch and tried to have sex with her, moron! You didn't have a clue!

Takuya: Did too!

Me: Takuya, you're so stupid, you can't find you way out of a paper bag. With directions.

Takuya: Okay, fine. So I had a blond moment....

Zoe: I resent that comment! I'm blond, so are you calling me a ditz?!

Takuya: No, of course not! I'm just saying that I was acting stupid.

Zoe: Now you're calling me stupid?!

Takuya: No! I'm calling myself stupid!

Zoe: Well, you associated yourself with a blond, therefore calling yourself and blonds stupid in general.

Kouji: Yeah, Takuya. You kinda did.....

Takuya: Um, well....I.....

Zoe: Screw this, I'm taking a long hot shower.

Takuya: Oooooohhh ^_^

Zoe: And don't follow me! *leaves the room*

Takuya: ......Dammit.......

Me: Sorry, imbecile. Next time try not to be so oblivious. Don't tell me that you didn't notice the bloody gunshot hole in her chest.

Takuya: ......Okay, then I won't say anything....

Everyone: -_-; Why us?

Takuya: *shrugs and continues to sing the same song he was singing earlier* The internet is for porn! The internet is for porn! So grab your dick and double click! Porn, porn, porn!

J.P.: Well, now we know what you do when you're not with Zoe....

Takuya: Yeah, I play Resident Evil. *walks away*

Me: I'm gonna go drink myself into a stupor until the next chapter comes up. Wake me when it's posted.

Kouichi: Um, don't you have to write it first?

Me: I'll do what Ozzy Osbourne did. Drink and then write. He said that he wrote his best material while shit-faced. *grabs a bottle of tequila and leaves the room*

Tommy:....Wanna play charades?

Eveyone: Hell yeah! ^_^

_The End_

**alright, this concludes our seventh chapter. stay tuned for the eighth one and more stupid moments. and for the record, i do not mind making sandwiches for people. not even for my asshole cousin who flew in from vegas a few years ago. i didn't mind when he asked me to make him a sandwich. i didnt mind when he asked me to cut the crusts off. hell, i didnt even care when he asked me if i could cut the sandwich into quarters. but when he told me that he wanted it cut into eighths instead, i shoved the damn thing down his throat! we were told to stay away from each other until he left...but on that note, i now have my own sandwich service! It's called Bloody Samwiches.**

**Call 1-800-Samwich for our complete menu. Our website was shut down due to certain illegal reasons....**

**We have your classics such as Peanut Butter and Jelly, or our special Bloody Surprise! You'll never know what you'll find in our sandwiches. Now accepting applications to be the organ-i mean, ingredients retriever. So in other words, you go supply me with the stuff I need for the sandwiches. Stuff like bread, meat, cheeses, condiments, blood....all the stuff you'd normally find in a sandwich.**

**dont wanna deal with the hastle of ordering food over the phone? no problem! just visit one of our three convenient locations**

**1. Saturn- if you can somehow get your ass to this planet, then enjoy the gorgeous view as you take your last gasps of breath and slowly die in a beautiful scenery ^_^**

**2. Bloody's Volcano- discovered by me, experience the fine pleasure of a toasty sandwich as well as charred skin as you painfully melt to death inside**

**3. Crazy Caverns- The most popular location of all, gaze at the sparkling underground caves while enjoying your favorite sandwiches. Eat it quickly, for the carnivorous cave dwellers are hungry as well, and not for sandwiches...**

**So that number again is 1-800-Samwich **

**Call us for your next sandwich delivery! **

**Warning: sandwichesmayincludeorgansbloodandpossiblyfingerseatatyourownrisk!**


	8. Chapter 8

**hi everyone, we are back with yet another exciting chapter of 20 stupid horror movie cliches. today before we start this chapter, i would like to tell off Fuck Buddy again (if you dont wanna listen, feel free to just skip down to the chapter)**

**nice to hear from you again, fuck buddy. trust me, you didnt hit a nerve at all. itll take a lot more than that to make me break. but in the meantime, you can go ahead and keep up your stupidity and act like a douchebag all you want. it doesnt faze me at all that you're making these stupid comments and i really dont care if you keep doing it. sure, i could ignore you but what fun would that be? if you wanna fuck with me, ill fuck with you twice as hard. keep that in mind as you're writing your pathetic comments. and also, if you actually are interested in a bed with fasteners, you'd probably somehow get yourself caught in them. takes real talent to be as stupid as you, so im sure that you could pull it off. and i find it impossible that you can even get hard in the first place to have sex. read the comments and you'll see, for im too lazy to write it all out. but when you said that you're nuts are intact, the true definition states that intact can mean 'untouched', therefore proving that you dont touch anything down there. and how could you? theres nothing there but empty space. well, see ya later im bored of writing about your idiotic tendencies. now onto the story**

**20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches**

**Chapter 8**

**_cliche number 15- The corpse overreaction_**

_Someone screams and/or vomits upon seeing a dead body:_ Really, between _CSI_ and all those "true crime" shows on TV, you should've seen enough dead bodies -- or approximations thereof-- that coming across one in real life wouldn't send you into a manic, heaving seizure.

Me: Okay, J.P. will be the dude that sees the body.

J.P.: Aw, why me?

Me: Cuz you're a wimp and I know that you'll probably cry. Which is always fun to watch. ^_^

J.P.: _T_T_ ....Well, who's gonna be the dead guy?

Me: I think that Kouichi will be the dead guy, seeing how he hasn't had much to do.

Tommy: What about me?

Me: Here's a Playstation 3. Go nuts.

Tommy: Alright! Screw this acting shit, I've got me some games to beat! *runs off*

J.P.: Why are we inside an empty movie theater?

Me: Cuz I bribed a friend to let me use it......I payed him with a good amount of money.

J.P.: How much?

Me: None of your business. Why do you think I robbed a bank before I brought us here? I figured that when you idiots are done, I can go watch a movie.

J.P.: Sweet, what are we seeing?

Me: Well, I'm seeing whatever I'm in the mood to watch...most likely a horror movie if they have anything good...But you guys are paying for yourselves. What do I look like, a traveling bank?

Kouichi: Um...yeah....

Me: Yeah, but I'm not one.

J.P.: Meanie....

Kouichi: So....how do I act dead?

Me: Act like Kouji. He's dead on the inside, as are many emos.

Kouji: Am not!

Me: Yeah, keep living in denial. Now go away and jump off a building or something. I'm busy.

Kouji: *shrugs and goes to the nearest building top*

Me: Okay, Tubby, when you see the body, freak out and act like a moron.

Takuya: Like he normally does?

Me: I'd shut up if I were you. You're definitely not the brightest one here.

Takuya: What are you talking about? Of course I am. I even have my Glow-In-The-Dark underwear on! So I am the brightest!

Me: ....Um...good for you...Maybe you should join Kouji and jump off a building with him...

Takuya: Okay, I'm sure he has an extra parachute. ^_^ *leaves*

Me: Yeah, like there are parachutes involved. *rolls eyes*

Kouichi: I think we should give J.P. a new nickname. 'Tubby' is getting kind of old.

J.P.: Can't you just call me J.P.?

Me: No, that's no fun. Now let's see....I know! How about Chunk?

J.P.: Chunk?! What kind of nickname is that?

Me: It's the kid from the Goonies. You know, the one that hung around Sloth. Oh, wait! Maybe we should call you Sloth!

J.P.: Um, no that's okay. I'm good with Chunk.

Me: Then do the Truffle Shuffle.

J.P.: Come on!

Me: Do it!

J.P.: Come on!

Me: DO IT!

J.P.: Okay! Damn... *lifts his shirt up and jiggles around*

Me: Yay! *claps like an idiot* Okay, now that I've had my Takuya moment for the day, we can start the scene.

Kouichi: What's a Takuya moment?

Me: When I act stupid like Takuya. Now go lay down in that puddle of blood.

Kouichi: You mean corn syrup, right? *lies down in it*

Me: Yeah, sure..... *hides bags that I stole from a nearby hospital* Alright Chunk, go over to him and freak out.

J.P.: I still think this is stupid.... *walks over*

Me: Fine, then when it's your turn to talk, it'll now say Chunk instead of J.P.

Chunk: Dammit....I hate my life.

Me: Don't we all...now hurry up already. The cameras are rolling.

Chunk: Okay, okay. Jeez..... *walks over to see Kouichi lying in the blood presumably dead* Oh, my gawd! A dead body! Aaaaaaaahhhh! *screams like a girl and runs around in circles waving his arms around* Ooooooh, myyyyyyy gaaaaaawwwwwddd! He's deeeeeeaaaaad!

Me: Good job, Chunk. Keep it going.

Chunk: *attempts to climb up a wall* Hooooly craaaaap! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! He's deeeeeaaaaaad! Aaaaahhh-oh, nachos!

Me: Nachos? That's not in the script...but either way, continue on. I wanna see you do something stupid.

Chunk: Mmmmm, nachos.... *eats one*

Me: Um, Kouichi is still there.

Chunk: *looks at Kouichi* Oooooh myyyy goooddd! *spits food out* Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! *runs then trips over nothing*

Me: Chunk, I've heard of people tripping over shoelaces, and over their own two feet. You trip over air -_-;

Chunk: That air is a lot denser than you think! I could've just died! I could've-hey popcorn! *eats some popcorn off the floor*

Me: Look! It's a maimed body!

Chunk: *looks at Kouichi and throws up* Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! His decomposing body is soooooo groooosss! Just look at it!

Kouichi: *thinking* _Fucking bastard....I'll show him gross..._

Chunk: *tries to eat more popcorn but can't because the blood and body sicken him* Damn, Kouichi! That's it! *covers Kouichi with a blanket that was conveniently neaby* Now that he's covered, I can eat this popcorn ^_^

Kouichi: *sits up making gurgling noises* Chuuuuuunk! I've come back to eat your brains!

Chunk: O_O; Holy crap! *runs away*

Me: Kouichi, why did you do that?

Kouichi: I am not gross!

Me: Well, I loved it! Now that you've traumatized Chunk, I will award you with a movie!

Kouichi: Yay!

Me: But you'll be paying for the snacks....and trust me...I'm very hungry right now..... *looks at the concession stand like a madwoman* Foooood!

Kouichi: Haven't you been fed today?

Me: No, I've been locked away underneath the bed for the past eight hours! So it's feeding time!

Kouichi: Um...okay, go pick something out.

Me: *jumps over the counter and proceedes to attack the man working behind it* Foooooood!

Man: Aaaaahhh! Get off me, ya crazy bitch!

Kouichi: O_O; Not what I had in mind.....but okay.....

_The End_

**_cliche number 16- Mopey vampires_**

_Black-clad, brooding vampires with no sense of humor:_ Cheer up; you're damn near immortal, you've got super strength, you can seduce people at will and depending on whom you ask, you can fly and turn into animals! What's not to love? Seriously, you're bringing me down.

Me: Okay, I think everyone already knew this, but Kouji will be playing the emo vampire. What do you think of that, Kouji?

Kouji: I kill you!

Me: I kill you first! *holds up stake*

Kouji: Eeeek! *hides under a table*

Me: Moving on, Takuya will play the vampire slayer.

Takuya: Sweet! I get to kill Kouji?

Me: Eventually.

Kouji: *crawls out from under table* So...what am I supposed to do?

Me: Act like you normally do; quiet, anti-social, and hateful.

Kouji: Oh, okay. *sits down looking at the ground with a glazed expression*

Me: You shouldn't have to do too much acting for this, emo-boy. Just act like how you would normally be, only as a vampire.

Kouji: Alright. *begins to talk to himself* I hate the world! They are responsible for my misery and the poor economy! They are also responsible for the Jonas Brothers' undeserved fame! I hate you all!

Takuya: *walks up to him and reads a horrible script that he wrote ten seconds ago* Keep away, evil vampire! I shall stake you and the rid the worlb-i mean world...stupid spelling...I hate spelling...What is the point of it? It's not like anyone uses it or anything...

Me: Um, Takuya?

Takuya: Yeah?

Me: GET ON WITH IT! NO ONE CARES THAT YOU CAN'T SPELL FOR SHIT!

Takuya: Ow, my ears! Damn, woman! Don't shout!

Me: Then don't be so stupid! You make Furby's look like the most intelligent things in the world.

Takuya: They are not!

Me: My friend had one that was possessed. He decided to rip the fur covering off, so it started to scream and swear at him. Then he put it in a shoe-box and proceeded to bury it in his backyard. When he was done, he could still hear the Furby screaming...True story.

Takuya: Remind me never to get a Furby.

Kouji: Hell-o! Remember me?! This emo vampire wants some attention! If not, I will cut myself!

Takuya: Oh, I wouldn't worry about cutting yourself. My stake will be more than enough to hurt you!

Kouji: Oh, a stake?! Can I borrow it to cut my wrists?

Takuya: What? No! It's mine!

Kouji: Then cut my wrists for me! Do it now! My undead body wants to feel alive again!

Takuya: Get away from me, you weirdo! It is my stake to use on you, so stop ruining it for me!

Kouji: Oh, come on! Just a little scratch! I hate the world and must feel pain in order to get through my days! I stare vacantly at white walls and visually paint them black in my head! Then I wander up to complete strangers with a mascara-stained face and ask them if they think I'm pretty!

Me and Takuya: O_O; Okay....That's nice to know....

Kouji: *pauses* Wait a minute....scratch that last part. That's Kouichi.

Kouichi: *wanders by with a mascara-stained face* Do you think I'm pretty?

Me: In order not to make things awkward, I award you with this Halloween cookie. Look at the witch made of icing and compare your looks to hers.

Kouichi: *takes the cookie and looks at it* You're right. I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better looking. Thank you ^_^ *eats the witch's head and leaves*

Me: Okay, back to the-

Zoe: *runs in* Takuya! Can you open this? *holds up a jar of pickles*

Takuya: Sure, anything for my girl ^_^

Me: Why do you need pickles? Making a sandwich?

Zoe: No, J.P. wanted to drink some pickle juice and couldn't get the jar open. So he asked me. But I can't open it either.

Takuya: Oh, we call J.P. 'Chunk' now. Why the hell would he want to drink pickle juice?

Zoe: *shrugs* Beats me. Can you open it?

Takuya: Of course I can! *struggles with the jar for ten minutes* What the hell is wrong with this thing?!

Me: *takes the jar and peels off the plastic wrapping that covers the lid* You are all officially idiots. But Takuya is still the biggest one of all.

Takuya: Why, thank you....wait a minute...Hey! Am not!

Me: What color is blue?

Takuya: Giraffe!

Zoe: *shakes her head and leaves with the now-open jar* I'm surrounded...

Kouji: I love darkness, pain, and pancakes! And waffles! Waffles are great!

Takuya: Oooooh, waffles..... *drools* Waffles.....

Me: *smacks him upside the head* Finish the scene and I'll get you a waffle.

Takuya: Oh, goody! *reads from his stupid script* I will stick this piece of wood into your heart and kill you, foul beast!

Kouji: I don't have a heart. Just a black hole that slowly consumes me into an ocean of despair.

Takuya: Oh.....Then where do I stake you?

Kouji: *smiles and puts his wrist out* My wrist. But slash it, don't stab it. Vampire rules.

Takuya: Okay ^_^ *slices Kouji's wrist*

Kouji: Oh, hell yeah! That feels sooooo gooooood! Now the other!

Takuya: *shrugs and cuts the other* So...when are you gonna die?

Kouji: Hahaha! Now that my desire to be cut is satisified, I can just leave and prey upon unsuspecting people! *runs off*

Takuya: Hey, you tricked me! *runs after him* I kill you!

Me: Looks like no one wants waffles...

Chunk: *runs over* I do! Waffles!

Me: Fine, but you're paying....

Chunk: I want bananas on my waffles!

_The End_

**okay we're done with another chapter, though im not in the greatest mood**

**takuya: how come?**

**me: cuz my sandwich business isn't doing well. so far i've only had a few customers (all of which are having their orders shipped out right now) i dont get it....**

**kouji: maybe its cuz all three locations are destroyed**

**me: destroyed? so soon?**

**zoe: well the one inside the volcano was incinerated due to the intense heat and the one on saturn was obliveratated because of the extreme pressure on the planet**

**me: what about the one in the caverns?**

**takuya: that one wasn't destroyed, but the cave dwellers took it over and turned it into a bed and breakfast**

**me: what?! well, people can still order over the phone. so there's no excuse!**

**kouji: actually, the phone number turned out to be a suicide hotline**

**me: .....what?**

**kouji: um yeah, a suicide hotline....they helped me feel better ^_^**

**me: well people can feel better by having a sandwich!**

**kouichi: not at those ridiculous prices. $59.99 just for a slice of bread? the cheapest sandwich you have is $269.99! with those prices, people are gonna want to commit suicide -_-;**

**me: hey, those are quality ingredients. but anyway i've got some cave dwellers to kill. that's MY sandwich location, bitches! *runs off with a shotgun***

**see ya laterz ^_^**


	9. Chapter 9

**okay, here is yet another chapter of what stupid people *cough* Takuya *cough* do in horror movies.**

**takuya: what? I haven't been in a real horror movie, so you cant pin it on me**

**me: yeah i can. you cant even act in this stupid parody**

**takuya: can too!**

**me: on the first day you were reading the script to Monty Python and the Holy Grail! and its just gotten worse.**

**takuya: ....okay....**

**me: anyway here is chapter 9. oh and to fuck buddy, i just wanted to say that i hope you had fun writing that cyber rape segment. i cant say im mad, i feel pity more than anything else. i mean, thats the closest you'll ever get to having real sex with an actual person (no those blow up dolls from porn shops dont count) so have fun with that imagination of yours and try not to get blue balls from the lack of actually cumming. that is, if they haven't already fallen off from their lack of use ^_^ see ya**

**20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches**

**Chapter 9**

**_cliche number 17- The backwards walk_**

_The victim, trying to avoid the killer, walks backwards....into the killer:_ What's the strategy in walking backwards? Do you think that if you walk forwards, the killer will sneak up behind you in his big, steel-toed boots? Maybe try a third option: the sideways crabwalk.

Me: Alrighty, I have chosen Kouichi to be the stupid person this time.

Kouichi: I'm good with that, but what happened to Takuya?

[cuts to Takuya and Kouji in a bathroom, with Takuya's hand stuck in the toilet]

Takuya: Dammit! Second time this week!

Kouji: Well, this is why you shouldn't play with your cell phone near the toilet, you idiot! Now it's probably short-circuited.

Takuya: Nonsense! It's waterproof! But...how am I supposed to get my hand out? Damn thing is stuck...

Zoe: *wanders in* O_O Uh...what are you doing?

Kouji: *reading 'Emo's Digest'* Takuya got his hand stuck in the toilet again.

Zoe: *sigh* Not again....

Takuya: Yeah....But can you help me?

Zoe: *flushes the toilet, which allows Takuya to get his hand out* I showed you this last time.

Takuya: Wow, you're the greatest! How about a hug?

Zoe: No! Wash your hands before you touch me! They were in the toilet!

Takuya: Only one of them was....

Zoe: Wash them, now!

Takuya: Oh, fine....

[cuts back to me and Kouichi]

Kouichi: I think Takuya deserves the 'Idiot of the Year' Award.

Me: No, that would make him sound too intelligent. I think the term we're looking for is 'dumbass'. But anyway, you're gonna be looking for the killer while you walk backwards.

Kouichi: Who's going to be sneaking up behind me?

Me: You'll see. If I tell you, it won't be a surprise.

Kouichi: *sigh* Fine....just as long as it's not Chunk.

Me: Nah, he's preoccupied at the moment.

[cuts to J.P. aka Chunk talking to cookies]

Chunk: I'm going to eat you next, Mr. Chocolate Chip. Followed by your good friend Miss Sugar. So tell me. Is she sweet and give you lots of sugar? Hehehe.....

Tommy: -_-; Wow...I'm hiring a psychiatrist for him. Hope he doesn't try to eat whoever I hire...

Chunk: Nom nom!

[cuts back to me and Kouichi]

Me: Okay, let's continue this before it turns into an episode of Family Guy, where they keep having random clips every fifteen seconds.

Kouichi: I love Family Guy! ^_^

Me: Just start the scene already. I don't have all day or the patience to wait anymore.

Kouichi: Okay, okay. Jeez.... *wanders into a dimly-lit room* Now what do I do?

Me: Just look around for the killer while walking backwards. You'll eventually bump into him.

Kouichi: He's not gonna kill me, right?

Me: Dunno! *runs off*

Kouichi: Hey, wait! Fuck.... Um, hello? Is anyone there? Hell-oooo! *walks backwards*

Me: *from another room* Another cliche intercepted with this; the person who calls out if anyone's there. Yeah, just announce to the killer of your presence. Real smart.

Kouichi: Hey, crazy girl! Is that you?

Me: No! I'm not here! *jumps out a nearby window with a hang-glider* Not anymore at least!

Kouichi: Dammit.... *continues to walk backwards while looking around* Heeeeelllloooooooo! Olly olly oxen-free! Where are you, ya bastard?!

Deep voice behind him: I want to play a game.

Kouichi: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh! *spins around*

[he is now looking at a creepy puppet with a wide white face with red bulls-eyes painted on each cheek. It has greasy looking hair parted down the middle and is wearing a black suit with a red bow-tie. It is also riding on a pimped-out bike complete with surround sound and a pink basket to hold his stuffed bunny]

Puppet: I want to play a game.

Kouichi: Damn, so you're that puppet from Saw, huh? The one where that dude goes around putting people in life or death situations?

Puppet: Correct. People refer to me as 'Jigsaw' as I cut off a piece of my victims flesh in the shape of a puzzle piece. It represents that they are missing a piece of themselves and I have come to show them to appreciate life. And since I'm too lazy to come out myself, I'm just using this stupid puppet to speak to you.

Kouichi: How do you make a guy appreciate life by making him cut his own eye out? You put a metal mask with nails around his neck, then told him to get the key to unlock it. You then tell him that the key is behind his eye and that he needs to cut it out to get it. Then he ran out of time and the trap closed on his head like a venus fly-trap and kills him. Oh, yeah. I appreciate life. I think I'd rather die than gouge my own eye out.

Puppet: Ah, but this time you will be playing the game.

Kouichi: No! No games! I suck at games. Just ask my brother, Kouji. Then again, he always cheats...

Kouji: *walks in* Do not! You just suck at games.

Kouichi: And you suck at life! By the way, where the hell did you come from? The Emo Convention?

Kouji: No, that's not till next week. I'm just passing through to find my pink bunny.

Puppet: Oh, you mean this pink bunny?

Kouji: *looks at the stuffed bunny in the basket* Hey, that's mine!

Puppet: If you want it back, you'll have to play the game.

Kouichi: And that's my cue to leave! *runs off*

Kouji: Wait, what game?

Puppet: You'll see. *knocks Kouji out with a boxing glove that pops out of the bike*

[cuts to Kouji waking up in a glass tank filled with hundreds of stuffed bunnies of various colors]

Kouji: Where am I?

Puppet: *appears on large screen TV inside the tank* Hello, Kouji. You say that you want your stuffed bunny back. Here is what you must do. You must find your pink bunny and locate the key hidden inside of it. When you find it, you must then unlock yourself from the box that contains you.

Kouji: Ha! No problem.

Puppet: And while you search for it, endless reruns of Barney the dinosaur will playing on this TV.

Kouji: Barney?! Nooooooo!

Puppet: Let the game begin!

[TV begins to play Barney]

Barney: Do you need a hug? Let's all run around in a circle holding hands saying how much we love each other! ^_^

Kouji: Noooooooooooooooo! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeeeee!

_The End_

**_cliche number 18- The clueless mugger_**

_A mugger pulls a knife on the villain:_ If the killer/vampire/alien is ever walking down an urban alley, invariably a petty thug will try to mug it, not realizing that this person/thing could rip his head off.....which it does, in a bloody riff on the _Crocodile Dundee_ "That's not a knife; this is a knife" routine.

Kouji: *in shower singing* The wheels on the bus go round and round! Round and round! Round and round! The wheels on the bus go round and round! All through the town!

[a shadowy figure slowly approaches the shower stall, the sillouette barely visible through the curtain]

Kouji: *still singing* The emo on the bus goes WAH WAH WAH! WAH WAH WAH! WAH WAH WAH! The emo on the bus goes WAH WAH WAH! All through the town!

[shower curtain is ripped open]

Kouji: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! *covers himself and notices Takuya standing there with a blindfold on* What the fuck are you doing?!

Takuya: Psycho girl wanted me to get you. Your scene is starting soon so hurry the fuck up. And you can't get mad at me for barging in, cuz I'm wearing a blindfold!

Kouji: *hits him with a rubber duck* I'll kill you anyway! Now go!

Takuya: Okay...and I was able to find you by following the sound of your tone-deaf voice.

Kouji: Why, you little-

Takuya: Oh, shit! *runs away, hitting the wall once*

[ten minutes later Kouji is dressed and ready to start the cliche]

Me: About time you got here. Anyway, you will be playing the stupid mugger that tries to steal from the killer.

Kouji: And who would that be?

Me: I hired the Alien from the movie Alien.

Kouji: What?!

Me: Yup, you don't wanna fuck with this thing. It has the ability to rip you to shreds, but not before it implants you with its disgusting little offspring. Its offspring will then grow inside the victims and then proceed to burst out of their chests. Nice, huh? The alien has razor-sharp teeth, acidic blood, and a spiked tail that will instantly impale and kill you. Have fun and don't piss it off.

Kouji: O_O

Takuya: Haha, maybe you can use its teeth to cut your wrists, huh?

Kouji: I don't cut myself! Well....not much at least.....

Me: Well, go on. He's waiting in that dark alley in front of the dumpster. And here, you'll need this to mug it. *hands him a switchblade*

Kouji: Just great.... *wanders over to wear the alien is standing* Who would be stupid enough to try to mug this thing?

Alien: *looks at him with tons of drool leaking from its mouth*

Kouji: O_O; Uh.....give me all your money! Now! *holds up switchblade* I'll kill you if you don't!

Alien: *suddenly starts speaking with a sophisticated British accent* Oh, dear! Where on earth did I put my wallet? I know I had it minute ago....*looks around frantically* Oh, dear! Please don't hurt me!

Kouji: O_O; Ummmm.....What just happened? I didn't know it could talk. Especially with an accent....

Me: I did. ^_^ He doesn't talk in the movies, though. They didn't think the accent would suit his character that well.

Alien: And I don't like to be referred to as 'It'. I have a name, you know.

Kouji: Okay....what is it?

Alien: Alien.

Kouji: Wow, how original....But anyway, where is your wallet?! Give it to me!

Alien: Oh, please don't hurt me! I must've lost it during my visit to the petting zoo! Or maybe it was while I was enjoying the cupcake my mommy made for me! I can't seem to find it anywhere!

Takuya: You don't have pockets....where would you keep it?

Alien: My man purse! Or as others call it, my murse. It must've fallen out at some point.

Kouji: Well I don't see your man purse anywhere. So you must've lost that, too.

Alien: Nooooo! Not my murse! I had everything in there! Noooooo!

Kouji: Too bad, looks like I'm gonna have to kill you! *goes to stab the alien*

Alien: *throws him into wall* Now you're just being rude. If you had just waited patiently, I could've found it and given my wallet to you. But no-o, you had to have it now! Ungrateful little bastard!

Kouji: Ow...my back....I'm still gonna kill you....

Alien: *headbutts him* I think not, you little hoodlum. If I were you, I'd run. *bares his teeth and hisses*

Kouji: Fuck! *runs away with the alien close behind* Noooo! I'm not having a good day today!

Alien: You?! I'm the one who lost my man purse! I shall kill you for such an insulting comment. Prepare to meet your doom! *spits acid at him*

Kouji: *dodges it* Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Noooooo! Get away from me!

Alien: Damn you, vile emo!

Takuya: Hehe, he sounds like Stewie from Family Guy!

Me: Yeah, I know. *calls after Kouji* Don't worry, Kouji! You'll have a short break in the next chapter!

Alien: Come back here! *continues to spit acid*

Kouji: I hate my life, and the alien, and everyone else on the planet!

Alien: I shall obliverate this planet when I'm finished with you!

Takuya: Shit, we gotta get outta here!

Me: You can go, I'm staying. I've always wondered what the Apocalypse was going to look like. ^_^

Takuya: You're kidding, right?

Me: Um, no. Besides, the world can't look much worse than it already is now....

Kouji: Get away from me!

Alien: Never! *spits at him again*

Kouji: Ahh! It's burning my clothes off!

Fan girl: OMG! I love you, Kouji!

Alien: *comes over and impales her*

Fan girl: Me and Kouji forever! X_X *dies*

Kouji: Well, that worked out nicely for me.

Alien: You're next!

Kouji: Dammit!

Me: Yay for the end of the world! I shall be its new ruler!

Alien: *looks at me* You?! I'm the one taking over!

Me: *pulls out a bomb* Wanna bet?

Alien: O_O; Yipe, yipe! *runs away*

Kouji: Oh, man...I thought he was gonna kill me. I'm so happy! ^_^ *gets hit by a truck*

Kouichi: *gets out of truck* Hey, have any of you guys seen Kouji around?

Takuya: Yeah, he's right there on the pavement, twitching.

Kouji: _X_X_ Ow..... *twitches*

Kouichi: Oh, sorry dude. At least you're still breathing right?

Kouji: I kill you....

Kouichi: Well, I just wanted to let you know that I put your picture up for America's Most Wanted to get back at you. So the police are gonna arrest you.

Kouji: What?! *gets dragged away* I hate my life...

Me: Don't worry! I'll bail you out! *looks for money* Nope, never mind. I spent all my money already. Well, see ya later.

Kouji: You're just gonna let them arrest me?!

Me: Yup, later. *leaves*

Kouji: You'll never take me alive! *breaks free* Mwahahahahahaha!

Cop: Get him! *runs after him with the rest of the squad*

Kouji: Freedom! Freedom! Hahahahahahaha!

_The End_

**okay, just one chapter left. so get ready for the final two cliches and see how stupid takuya really is!**

**takuya: they already know how stupid I am! ...hey....wait a minute! **

**me: bye!**

**takuya: im not stupid!**

**me: yes you are!**


	10. Chapter 10

**sorry for taking so damn long...this is the longest chapter yet, as it is the finale. so try not to fall asleep halfway through....or sooner....**

**also, fuck buddy, i hope you enjoyed the one-sided cyber sex, seeing how that is the closest you'll ever get to having sex in real life with a real person. no, those dolls from the porn shop dont count. and i cant accept that two cents you think you owe me. i cant bring myself to take from the lonely sex-derprived. give it to a hobo and see if he'll give you a handjob in exchange. then again, i dont think anyone is that desperate, even if you offered a hundred dollars. his hand might shrivel up and fall off ^_^ so in the meantime have fun with that colorful mind of yours and hopefully some day if you do have sex, it wont just be a figment of your imagination. see ya fuck face. i mean fuck buddy :P**

**20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches**

**Chapter 10**

**_cliche number 10- Lover's lane_**

_The killer stalks lovers in a parked car:_ What better way to tell her you love her than to drive her into the middle of a field and dismiss any strange sounds she hears coming from outside the car?

Me: Okay, acting this out will be our favorite couple, Takumi!

Chunk: Aww, how come Takuya is the one who gets to be with Zoe?

Me: Several reasons. One is because they are the cutest couple ever. Two is because they are going out anyway. Three is because both of them will kick your ass if you try anything with Zoe. And four is because I SAID SO!

Chunk: O_O Uh..okay! I'm good with that! And can you please call me 'J.P.' again? I'll give you twenty bucks!

Me: Eh, okay.. *takes the twenty and runs* Thanks, Chunk!

Chunk: Hey, no fair! *runs after me*

Me: Next time make sure there's a contract involved. Then we'll talk.

Chunk: Come back! *huff huff* Too much...*huff huff*...running!

Tommy: Well, since she's being chased, I'll introduce the cliche. Kind of. So as you know, Takuya and Zoe will be acting this one out. And stalking them will be Jack Torrence from The Shining.

Kouji: And I'll give the explanation on who he is! Jack Torrence was an author who needed inspiration for his new novel. The solution? Drag his wife and kid to a creepy vacant hotel. Not only does he hallucinate and make out with a nasty old lady ghost, but he also tried to kill his family with an axe. His favorite phrase to randomly yell out is 'Here's Johnny!' Now, his name's not Johnny, but he decided that Johnny Carson had a good catchphrase and decided to steal it. On top of that, he lives in a hotel with those creepy twin girl ghosts. Come play with us! Come play with us! Forever....and ever.....and ever....

Tommy: *conks him on the head* Okay, they get it. Now let's cut to Takuya and Zoe.

[cuts to Takuya and Zoe making out in the backseat of a parked car in the middle of a field]

Takuya: Oh, Zoe...I love you so much.... *kisses her*

Zoe: I love you, too ^_^

Takuya: Let's have sex!

Zoe: What, here?

Takuya: Sure, why not? No one's here. *takes his clothes off except for his underwear*

Zoe: Uh, I guess... *does the same*

Takuya: I call 'shotgun'!

Zoe: Takuya, that term refers to the front passenger seat of a car....

Takuya: Oh...oops...Well then, I get top!

Zoe: You're lucky that you're cute. Or else I would've beaten some sense into you awhile ago for being so damn stupid....

Takuya: Aw, you're cute too. *gets on top of her and begins to kiss her again* Yeah, this is great....

Zoe: *hears something* Takuya? Did you hear something?

Takuya: Mmmm? *is trying to unclip her bra with his teeth*

Zoe: *pushes his head away* I thought I heard a scraping noise.

Takuya: It was probably just the wind or something.

Zoe: No, it wasn't a blowing sound, it was a scraping sound.

Takuya: It's just the paranoia kicking in. But don't worry, we won't get caught.

Zoe: ....Uh, okay... *resumes making out with him*

Takuya: Smack my ass and call me Sally!

Zoe: *smacks his ass* Sally! ......Uh, why did we just do that?

Takuya: I have no idea.....do it again! ^_^

Zoe: *shrugs and smacks his ass again* Sally!

Takuya: Hell yeah! We have crazy sex!

Zoe: But we're just making out right now.

Takuya: Not for long. *wiggles eyebrows creepily*

Zoe: O_O Don't do that again....

Takuya: Yeah, I don't wanna be a perv like Chunk

Chunk: *sitting from inside a studio i rented out* Hey! I resent that!

Tommy: But are you one?

Chunk: *shifty-eyed* ....No.... *looks through a pair of binoculars to watch a girl undressing from inside her house* Oh, yeah....That's hot...

Tommy: Let me see!

Chunk: Eh, you're old enough to see. *hands him binoculars*

Tommy: *looks through binoculars* Wow....

Chunk: Great view, huh?

Tommy: I'll say. That guy on the third floor is playing the new Tekken 6 video game!

Chunk: *falls over anime style*

[back to Takuya and Zoe]

Takuya: Oh, god...I love you...

Zoe: Oh, I love you, too! *kisses him harder*

[a scraping noise is heard against the outside of the car]

Zoe: O_O What was that?!

Takuya: Uh...the wind?

Zoe: Um, no. It wasn't the wind. -_-

Takuya: Okay, it was a woodpecker then.

Me: *randomly from nowhere* The woodpecker plagues me! It's like Edgar Allen Poe's story The Raven. Only in my case it's a damn woodpecker!

Zoe: Ummmm.....okay....Anyway, it was a scraping noise, not a pecking noise. It was like someone dragged a blade across the outside of the car.

Takuya: Awww, you're so cute when you're scared. ^_^ Don't worry, I'll protect you from the scary monsters, even if they are just a figment of your imagination.

Zoe: Figment of my imagination?! By the way, when did you learn the word 'figment'?

Takuya: Today. It was on my Word-of-the-Day toilet paper.

Zoe: Oh, you're using that stuff again?

Takuya: Yeah, it feels good on my butt....and makes me feel smarter....

Jack Torrence: *pops up outside the car* Here's Johnny!

Zoe: *screams and clings to Takuya* Oh, my god!

Takuya: Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about!

Zoe: No, you idiot! There's someone outside the car!

Takuya: No, it's all in your head.

Zoe: He's right there, you stupid bastard!

Takuya: Yeah, I love it when you talk dirty to me....

Jack: *climbs onto the roof of the car and proceeds to jump up and down on it* All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!

Zoe: Let's get outta here!

Takuya: Zoe, you're killing the mood.....

Zoe: Killing the mood?! We'll be killed if we don't leave soon! And if we're dead, then no sex!

Takuya: Eeeep! *jumps off of her and starts the car* Let's get outta here!

Jack: *begins to slam his axe down through the roof* All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!

Zoe: O_O We're gonna die....

Takuya: Oh, now I see him.....I guess you weren't crazy after all....

Zoe: *hits him* Get us out of here! NOW!

Takuya: Okay, okay! *tries to start the car, only to hear a sputtering sound* What the fuck?! *tries again*

Zoe: Come on! Get us out of here!

Takuya: The stupid thing won't start! *tries again*

Me: Ahhh....the classic 'car won't start' cliche. This one is probably the one of the most over-done in my opinion. Get yourself a reliable car. -_- I swear, either cars never seem to work, or they try to kill their owner. Take a note from the movie 'Christine' for instance.

Takuya: Will you be quiet?! *tries again*

Me: Maybe.... =3

Jack: *slams axe into roof again, the blade only inches away from Zoe*

Zoe: O_O ....We're gonna die...

Takuya: No, we won't! *tries again* Come on, you stupid thing! *tries again, this time finally working* Yes! Let's go! *drives away, causing Jack to fall off the roof of the car*

Jack: Here's Johnny! *stumbles around disoriented*

[meanwhile Kouichi and Kouji are walking around in the woods]

Kouji: Dude, why are we here?

Kouichi: Um, I dunno. I was following you.

Kouji: What?! I was following _you_! Great, now we're lost.

[just then two creepy ghost girls appear. They are twins and and are wearing blood-soaked dresses]

Girls: Come play with us. Come play with us.

Kouji: Shouldn't you two be stuck in that damn hotel or something?

Girls: Come play with us forever....and ever....and ever....

Kouichi: I'm outta here!

Girls: You sure don't wanna play? You're twins and we're twins, so it'll be fun.

Kouji: What are you girls, like eight or something?

Girls: We died when we were nine, but that was sixty years ago. So we're like adults.

Kouichi: Hehe, old people stuck in little girls' bodies. Ironic.

Girls: Come play with us! COME PLAY WITH US!!!!! FOREVER!!!!!!!

Kouichi and Kouji: Ahhhhhhh! *run away*

Girls: Guess they didn't wanna play jump rope.... Oh, well. We can play with those kids from the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. The ones who sing Freddy Krueger's theme song while they jump rope.

Jack: *wanders over* Get back to the hotel and get me a scotch! Just tell the bartender I sent you!

Me: Grab one for me too while you're at it!

Girls: *look at me* Come play with us!

Me: Get me my drink, dammit!

Girls: O_O Okay! *disappear*

Me: *shakes head* Hard to find little kids to do things for me nowadays....

_The End_

**_cliche number 20- Last scare_**

_The killer returns from what seems to be their death for revenge:_ See, this is what happens when people decide to run away before they make sure the monster/killer is really dead. I mean, how hard is it to blow their heads off with a shotgun? Really.

Kouji: If you really think about it, all of us portray characters from horror movies.

Tommy: What do you mean?

Kouji: Well, we have the dumb hot-headed jock, which is Takuya.

Takuya: Hey!

Kouji: And I'm the hot rebel.

Takuya: More like lonely emo kid that gets sandwiches thrown at him.

Kouji: *gets hit by sandwich* Who did that?! Anyway, Chunk is the fat dude that gets killed while he goes off to look for food.

Chunk: *eating cookies* Nom nom!

Zoe: What am I? And if you say I'm the stupid whore that runs around half-naked and screws everyone, I'll kick your ass!

Kouji: No, you're not a slut. You're just one of the extra girls that gets killed off. There's at least one girl in every movie who isn't a slut that gets killed.

Tommy: And what am I?

Kouji: You're the kid who gets killed because he's young and not the main character.

Tommy: Oh. What about Kouichi?

Kouji: He's the sex-starved loser.

Kouichi: What?! I am not sex-starved, you asshole!

Kouji: Could've fooled me.

Me: Pipe down, already! Anyway, we are on our final cliche! Unfortunately, I'm too lazy to introduce it.

Takuya: What?! Then who will?

Me: My good friend, Kyo. So while I'm off taking my much needed nap, he'll take my place and explain what's going on.

Kouji: Wait, that's not the crazy dude who's obsessed with bloodshed, is it?

Me: Possibly....Kyo, can you come here?

[a guy with long bluish black hair and wings walks over]

Me: Good to see ya again. ^_^ Ready to introduce the cliche?

Kyo: *looks at the others and bares his fangs* Yes, I am.

Kouichi: This guy?! Are you nuts?! He'll kill us!

Kyo: If I do, I promise not to make you suffer for too long....

Everyone: O_O;

Fan girl: Oh, my gaaaaaaaaaawd! I love you Kyo! WILL YOU LIKE MARRY ME?! WE ARE LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET AND DESTINY HAS BROUGHT US TOGETHER! I EVEN GOT A TATTOO THAT SAYS 'Kyo and Me 4-Eva!' SO WHAT DO YA SAY?! WILL YA MARRY ME AND MAKE LITTLE KYO BABIES WITH ME?!

Kyo: *rips her throat out*

Fan girl: _X_X _*dies*

Everyone: O_O; Oh, shit....

Me: Okay, see ya guys later. *climbs up a tree, then proceeds to hang upside down from one of the branches*

Takuya: What are you doing?

Me: I wanted to see how it was to sleep like a bat. So shut up and leave me alone.

Kyo: Okay, idiots. Since it's the last cliche, all of you will be in it. Takuya will be the stupidest one of all, as usual.

Takuya: Why thank you, I-Hey!

Kyo: Consider that as a compliment, as you exceed the levels of stupidity. And don't worry, I won't eat you guys....yet...

Everyone: Shit....

Kouichi: So, who's gonna be the killer this time?

Kyo: You'll just have to find out. You never know, it could be me...

Kouji: Um...I think the psycho hanging from the tree said that she was going to hire the predator from the movie Predator.

Tommy: The what?

Kouji: He's an alien-type thing that kind of looks like the love child of Medusa and a lizard man and has a triangular mouth. So why don't you give him a kiss later, Kouichi?

Kouichi: And end up with a triangle-shaped hole in my face?! I don't think so! Plus he's not my type....

Kouji: *smirks* What is your type?

Kouichi: Women!

Kyo: Well, while you guys are off getting ripped to shreds, I have my own business to attend to. It's been awhile since I last ate, so I'll be off grabbing some human flesh-I mean food.

Chunk: Hey, grab some for me, too!

Kyo: I don't think so....You don't have the fangs to bite through whatever I'm eating...

Chunk: Uh.....never mind then...

Me: *in my sleep* Start the scene! I'm not paying you guys to stand around!

Takuya: How does she know?

Zoe: She has weird psychic abilities.

Kouji: And she's not paying us!

Kyo: Sucks to be you guys. She's paying me with ten thousand dollars and a truck-load of human blood.

Everyone: What?!

Kyo: Well, it's time for my hunt to begin.*flies away*

Takuya: *sigh* Well, let's get this done and over with....

[they wander over to where the Predator is lying on the ground, unconscious]

Takuya: *pokes him with a stick*

Zoe: Don't do that! You'll wake him up.

Takuya: Then let's run away before he does! *grabs her* Let's go!

Tommy: No, we have to kill it now. If we don't, he'll catch up to us and kill us instead.

Takuya: I don't think so! We're leaving, now!

Kouji: Um, there's a sword conveniently lying on the ground right here. Next to it is a sign that says 'Kill the Predator with this sword. Just decapitate it and he'll be dead.'

Takuya: .....I don't get it.....

Everyone else: -_-;

Chunk: Come on, let's just kill him and get outta here. I'm starving!

Takuya: No, it's too dangerous! *throws a net over everyone and begins to drag them away*

Kouichi: Let us out of here, you moron! We need to kill him now!

Takuya: It's a trick! A trick I tell you!

Chunk: Knock it off, stupid! And can I please be called J.P. again?!

Me: *while sleeping* Okay....

J.P.: Sweet!

Me: Nah, just kidding!

Chunk: Dammit.... _T_T_

Zoe: Stop dragging us, Takuya! We have to kill him already!

Takuya: No! I'm getting away so that I'm safe. Why don't you guys realize that what I'm doing is intelligent?

Predator: *wakes up*

Everyone: Shit!

Predator: *walks over to them with his big gun*

Takuya: See, I told you that he'd wake up!

Everyone: You dumbass! We could've killed him!

Takuya: *lets them out of the net* Well, sor-ry!

Everyone: Run!

[an hour later]

Me: *wakes up from nap* Kyo, you around here?

Kyo: *flies over* I brought some grub. Here's an arm, two legs, a torso, and a head! Take your pick.

Me: I'll go with one of the legs...and where are the others?

[meanwhile]

Takuya: *is in the net hanging from the tree* NO! Stop hitting me! I'm not a pinata! OW!

Predator: *keeps hitting him*

Everyone else: *tied to trees, trying not to laugh at Takuya*

Zoe: Serves you right for not letting us kill him when we could've.

Takuya: *sarcastically* Like I knew that he was going to chase us and tie you guys up, then turn me into his own personal pinata!

Kouji: Well, now you're paying for it. You bring the term 'idiot' to a whole new level.

Chunk: Hey Predator! I bet he has some candy in his butt!

Takuya: You asshole! *gets hit in the ass* Ow, my ass!

Tommy: Why'd you do that?

Chunk: He stole my candy bar the other day. Besides, it should hurt him less to get hit in the butt anyway, seeing how a human has more fat there to cushion it.

Kouichi: I'll say, Fatass!

Chunk: Hey!

Predator: *is wondering why there is no candy and keeps hitting him*

Takuya: Ow! You'll pay for this, Chunk!

Chunk: Yeah, whatever.

Zoe: Well Chunk, it looks like you might not get to have lunch for a little while....

Chunk: What?! No food?! Nooooooo! *breaks free of the rope and collides with the predator, knocking him out*

Predator:_ X_X_

Everyone: Wow, thanks for breaking the rope.

Takuya: Good, now let me down!

Kouichi: *cuts rope, causing Takuya to crash to the ground*

Takuya: Thanks man...Tweet, tweet....I see little yellow birds flying around my head. Hello little birdies! Would you care for a hamburger?!

Chunk: Hamburger?! Where?!

Kouji: In Takuya's head. -_-

Chunk: In his head?! *shakes Takuya around, hoping that a burger will fall out* Where is it?!

Tommy: Stop, before you give him more brain damage!

Me: Can't damage what he never had! By the way, I'm eating food, Chunk! Nom nom, it's sooooo goooood!

Chunk: Nooooo! I need fooooooooooood! Now I'm going to starve!

Me: Yeah, that might take you a year or two....But that wraps up 20 Stupid Horror Movie Cliches. I'd like to thank myself for the hell of it, the highly paid actors-

Kouichi: We weren't paid!

Me: Not you, the killers! And this video camera that I found on the side of the road. And last but not least my highly-paid friend Kyo, who brought me lunch and took over when I was lazy.

Kyo: *is eating the head* When I'm done with you guys, there won't by a single drop of blood left in your systems!

Everyone: O_O; Uh.....

Me: See ya later awesome readers! And keep a lookout for my future stories!

Takuya: Don't! They'll cause permanant brain damage!

Me: Who asked you?! Even though he might be right....for once in his life.....Here you go, Takuya. A shiny gold star!

Takuya: Oh, a star! *puts it on his shirt* I'm so smart!

Everyone: No, you're not!

Kouji: I feel like we're missing a cliche, though.

Random black guy: *comes out of nowhere* Hey, what's up? I'm here for the party!

Predator: *wakes up and shoots him dead, then passes out again*

Me: Okay, the overdone killing of the black guy has been done. I don't want people to think that I'm racist, cuz I'm not. But you know that the black guy or pretty much anyone who isn't white, usually dies at some point. I never understood that....But if anyone was offended, I apologize and didn't mean to come off as offensive. So on that note, bye!

Takuya: Yeah, eveyone say bye to Ashley!

Me: You're not supposed to tell them my real name, you stupid bastard! *smacks him upside the head* What's the matter with you?!

Takuya: Haha, I revealed your name cuz you were so mean to me in this parody. Now we're even cuz now you're gonna get a bunch of weirdos knocking at your door!

Me: Yeah, good luck finding me based on my name...*hits him again* I hate you...

Eveyone else: We do too!

Takuya: _T_T_

_The End_

**okay im finally done with this story. if there are any cliches that anyone can think of, i will write another chapter and do them. just let me know ^_^**

**FUTURE STORIES**

**one-shot lemon (untitled as of right this second): coming out really soon (i promise). extremely detailed an not recommended for people who hate lemons. three times more graphic than my previous one.**

**Lost Paradise: my next story, also coming out soon (within a week or when i finish falling from grace). its your standard horror movie where people get hacked into bits. rated M for sexual situations (not a lemon though), language, character death, and tons of torture and violence. (my first character death story) yay!**

**Untitled (so far)- sequel to Bloodbath. hoping to get this out by the end of November or beginning of December. Rated M for language, violence, and brief sexual situations**

**The Thirteen Ghosts (may change title)-not completely sure if ill do this one...but we'll see. based on the movie 13 Ghosts. not a true crossover, but it wil have some characters from the movie (mainly the ghosts) Rated M for language, violence, and possible character death. probably be out by the end of December or beginning of January if i do it.**


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